3,500 Good Jokes for Speakers A Treasury of

The ultimate compendium of wit and humor for all occasions from business meetings to sales presentations to professional conventions to political rallies to rehearsal dinners--all organized by topic and fully indexed by subject. A treasury of jokes, puns, quips, one-liners, and stories to start a speech off right, keep any audience chuckling, and add some welcome comic relief anywhere its required.

Gerald F. Lieberman was the author of 3,500 Good Jokes for Speakers and 3,500 Good Quotes for Speakers. He wrote widely for major newspapers and magazines. He died in 1986.

Family . . . Friends . . . tender reflections of things past

1

(24)

(We were so poor we couldn't afford a watchdog. When we heard a noise at night we'd bark ourselves.)

Business . . . Occupations . . . Professions

25

(58)

(The barber told me to use that hair tonic and my hair would come in heavy. Only one hair grew, but it weighed twelve pounds.)

Women . . . and . . . men

83

(52)

(The hand that darns the sock is usually the one that socks the husband.)

Kids . . . childhood . . . school

135

(34)

(Children are the light of the house, but when you have half a dozen of them it's time to shut off the light.)

Manners . . . tact . . . diplomacy . . . etiquette . . . mores

169

(18)

(Never throw cigar butts in urinals. They get soggy and are hard to light.)

Drink . . . water . . . liquor . . . beer . . . and sundry liquids

187

(22)

(I get drunk on water, as well as on land.)

Money . . . rich people . . . poor people . . . credit

209

(24)

(I wasn't affected by the crash of '29. I went broke in '28.)

Travel . . . geography . . . history . . . vacations and tourists

233

(24)

(In England they've been changing the guards for two hundred years. Guess they aren't big enough to change themselves.)

Marriage . . . courtship . . . dates and the pursuit

257

(34)

(Matrimony is the process whereby love ripens into vengeance.)

Psycho . . . psychiatry, psychiatrists, neurotics . . . and just plain nuts

291

(38)

(She tried to kill him with a look, But she was cross-eyed. So she killed another man.)

Mechanics . . . science . . . automobiles . . . inventions

329

(14)

(My car is so old they gave me license plates with Roman numerals.)

Sports and Gambling

343

(24)

(I caught a fish so big I got up in the middle of the night and called myself a liar.)

Wolves and Wolfesses

367

(16)

(When I told her my proposition her face grew crimson and gold--her old school colors.)

Show Business . . . radio . . . television . . . burlesque . . . movies . . . night clubs

383

(46)

(They couldn't afford a rising orchestra pit, so they made the musicians stand up slowly.)

General . . . hotels . . . housing . . . nature . . . politics . . . weather . . . etc

429

(Everything is so overcrowded today that the cemeteries are only selling standing room.)

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3,500 Good Jokes for Speakers A Treasury of Jokes, Puns, Quips, One Liners and Stories that Will Keep Anyone Laughing

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials