Criando a Su Nino Con Orgullo Latino

Rebound by Sagebrush

Chapter One

Parenting with Pride -- Latino Style:

The New O.R.G.U.L.L.O.

Select the number for each question below that best describes your personal attitude; then add all the numbers to calculate your total score.

5=Always 4=Frequently 3=Sometimes 2=Rarely 1=Never

1. Do you find yourself at odds with the way your child is communicating with you?


2. Do you find yourself saying to your daughter, "You are not going to do that because I say so"?


3. Do you feel trapped between your parents or in-laws and your children in a no-win situation?


4. Do you find yourself doing things for your children that non-Latino parents do not do and feeling bad about it? For example, chaperoning every party your daughter attends.


5. Do you find yourself automatically saying and doing things your parents and grandparents did, although you feel you now know a better way?


6. Do your children keep telling you, "You don't understand! You're too old-fashioned!"


7. Do you feel it is your child who must understand your point of view, not the other way around?


8. Are you often told by others that you demand too much obedience from your children?

Use the following scoring format for self-assessment, in this and the chapters that follow: if your total score is 30-40, you are a true tradicionalista who could face significant problems with your children; you need to increase your Nuevo Tradicionalismo skills.

If you score 20–30, you show signs of potential problems and could benefit greatly from learning the Parenting with Pride techniques.

If you score 10–20, you are already in great shape, but go ahead and read on to hone your skills even more.

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Mercedes has just delivered her first baby, a boy whom she named Julio. Her mother-in-law, Juana, has come from their country to help out. But Mercedes, instead of being relieved, is feeling extra stressed since the older woman arrived. She does not want to be disrespectful, but Juana is trying her patience severely, believing, as do most women of her generation, that the baby must always wear socks and T-shirts, even in the middle of August. Juana also feels that Mercedes is acting unwisely by taking Julio outside after sunset, which will expose the baby to the rocio, the evening dew, which is an invitation to catching a resfrio, a cold.

Mercedes and Juana also disagree about whether or not to follow a feeding schedule, as the pediatrician advised. Juana insists that she saw eight healthy children through infancy without following any schedule other than the one dictated by the baby: that is, when the baby cries, he knows he is hungry. Following a regimented schedule is not what Juana sees as being best for the baby, regardless of what the doctor indicated.

The only action that Mercedes can take to avert a family crisis is count the hours until her mother-in-law goes home.

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How can you take the bottle away from him?" demands Nina's mother, referring to one-and-a-half-year-old Pedrito. Even worse, the abuela (grandmother) thinks she is putting one over on her daugh-ter by continuing to give Pedrito the bottle behind Nina's back. Nina feels torn between what her mother considers the right thing to do and what her friends are doing with their babies.When confronted, the abuela defends her position by claiming that she brought up five children, including Nina, and never weaned any of them from their bottle at such an early age. In the abuela's world, a Latina mother who takes the bottle away from her child at eighteen months is being unkind to the child.

Old Ways versus New Ways

These examples illustrate how all Latino groups in the United States have brought with them traditions stemming from their country of origin.A Latino child's development often tends to be interpreted in terms of a particular history and culture that dates back many generations. These traditional values must be understood and respected -- but so must the contemporary settings in which Latino children are growing up today. Being Latino or Latina is really a state of mind, not necessarily based on the length of time a person or his or her family has lived in the United States. It includes membership in one's group, but also experiences associated with that membership. From this vantage point, to be a Latino or a Latina is a conscious (and at times unconscious) determination of who we want to be, what we esteem, and the importance we place on passing these values on to our children.

Many Latino parents and grandparents have expressed having dif- ficulty letting go of the "way things were." But when we are living in North America, clinging rigidly to these "time-honored" beliefs can cause friction between you and your child. Lack of cultural balance can stir up problems with discipline, communication, and the proper channeling of anger and sadness, all of which may affect your child's self-esteem. Latinos are very clear that they do not want to abandon the many wonderful aspects of traditional values, nor do they want their children to. But given modern times and the need to adapt to the culture of the United States, the best way to ensure that these values are accepted by our children is to make some adjustments in how we translate them in our daily lives.

How do we move beyond the ironclad authority of traditional rules and steer our children toward a more flexible meshing of old and new -- so that they can enjoy the best of what both worlds have to offer them? What follows is my redefinition of an Old World tradition -- los consejos, or words of wisdom. Through them, I share with you techniques I've used successfully with clients to broaden their cultural horizons and raise well-balanced kids. Providing insight on how to change with the times, los consejos not only give precise instructions for offering your children the guidance they need but also demonstrate El Nuevo Tradicionalismo in action: keeping your values, but recognizing when there must be an adjustment.

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Excerpted from Criando a Su Nino Con Orgullo Latino by Carmen Inoa Vazquez Copyright © 2004 by Carmen Inoa Vazquez. Excerpted by permission.
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