Item Detail

CUNNING
STUNTS

HOOK, LINE, AND SINKER

    I am sitting one day in a local beanery with the old thinkin' hat on as usual—when a very rewarding-type scheme enters my noggin.

    Lately, I am frequently noticing that my growing reputation as a notorious sort of character is making the suckers extremely suspicious of even my most honest intentions. I ask one guy for a light and he clamps his hand over his wallet and runs away screaming.

    Obviously, the word is out that I will be clever in ways they have never dreamed of and that I will not hesitate one bit to take monetary advantage of the situation. That's right, I been rippin' 'em off something fierce, which is causing John Q. Public to avoid me like a mongrel avoids the dogcatcher.

    "Mayhap it is time to turn from fleecing the sheep to tending them," I think. "I am not the only wolf out there. And someone has to give the suckers a more or less fair shake."

    It is soon my resolve to grasp one of the less intelligent of the flock and become his professor. How should I put it? To teach him a thing or two.

    And if the ever-lovin' reader, in the process, learns a little about the fine art of games and gaming, all the better.

    Thirsty and anxious to embark upon my plan, all I need is a short drink and a ripe sucker. That's easy because the quickest way to get a drink is to find a sucker. And in this joint, as in most bars, there's more suckers than ice cubes.

GO FISH

    Fate is with me as who bellies up to the bar but a tall geeky-looking fella named Turk—a prime, grade A, medium-rare sucker. Ya might say he's a cut above the rest.

    The first thing you notice about Turk is that his broad grin matches his wide ears almost perfectly. His bright but vacant eyes sort of remind you of a For Rent sign. Supposedly we've all been given our own little blessing in life, but this guy makes you wonder.

THE BAIT

    "Hey, Turk! Good to see ya pal. In for a little cocktail, are ya? Allow me to sweeten the mix a bit."

    Now folks, I am here to tell you that the guy is eyeing me with no small amount of suspicion. Sure, we've made a wager or three in the past and I have to admit that sheer luck forces me to take his cash on every single bet. I try to let him win a couple, just to keep him interested, but this guy can't drop a dime and hit the floor.

    Covering his drink with my hat, Lesson One begins.

THE HOOK

    "Say, Turk. I'll bet you a buck I can drink that drink without touching the hat."

    He ponders the matter a moment before accepting my ludicrous wager by dropping a bill on the bar.

    Quick as a wink, I duck my head under the bar and commence with some loud "glunk, glunk" drinking-type noises. Coming back up, I wipe my mouth in a very satisfied manner.

    "That's it," say I. "The drink is gone."

    "Noooooo," says he.

    "Oh yeah, I drank it. Check for yourself."

    Now friends, this is the oldest sucker bet in the book, which for his money makes it one of the best. Turk does just what the suckers have been doing since the fedora was invented, which is to pick up the hat and check the drink. At this opportune time, I grasp the drink and quaff it down.

    "You lose, Turk! I didn't touch the hat. You did!"

THE LINE

    Well, as you might imagine, the poor guy is quickly protesting that anyone can do that trick. Since I disagree, we both lay up as the barkeep pours Turk one more. I consider myself to be sporting indeed when I loan him my hat to cover the drink.

    "I bet you," he declares, "that I can drink that drink without touching the hat."

    Diving under the bar, the poor fool is "glunk, glunking" for half the day in a performance that will win an Emmy if not an Oscar except that—while he is pretending to drink the drink—I am lifting the hat and really drinking the drink. By the time he comes up for air, the hat is back on the empty glass and only the gathering crowd is any wiser.

    "Okay, I drunk it!" claims Turk in a slightly tipsy voice.

    Vocalizing my disbelief, I lift up the hat to check. Everyone is amused, but only Turk is downright thunderstruck at the sight of the empty glass.

... AND THE SINKER

    "That's amazing pal!" say I. "You deserve your buck back. I don't know how you did it, but I'd sure like to try again myself. Is there a hole in the bar or what? Boy, oh boy-oh, you're getting too good for me, Turk! This time I better only bet you a dime I can drink the drink without touching the hat."

    So the barkeep quickly pours the sap one more and covers it with my hat. Normally I am not one to let so many fingers feel my fedora but I make an exception for the sake of educating the masses.

    The bet being on, I pick up the hat and guzzle down the drink. "Aaah! That is refreshing!"

    My opponent loudly and correctly protests that I touched the hat.

    "When you're right, you're right. You win again! Here's the dime, Bub. I reckon you're just too smart for me."

    Turk is looking nine kinds of delighted when the bartender strolls back to his spot and addresses him in a very cool manner.

    "Okay pal, that'll be twelve bucks for the drinks."

EQUALLY CUNNING STUNTS

    The drink under the hat is a simple example of the easiest kind of game you can't lose: the cunning stunt.

    Don't be fooled into thinking these are games of chance. You propose the game and you know the secret to winning. In exchange for that somewhat huge advantage, you offer a modest but lively entertainment.

    What follows are a few of the most cunning stunts ever.

(Continues...)

Copyright © 2001 Harry Anderson and Turk Pipkin. All rights reserved.
ISBN: 1-58080-086-6