Did Somebody Step on a Duck? A Natural History of the Fart

This impolite, aromatic, and incredibly erudite flatulence compendium will astound you with: bull; The recent discovery of the worldrs"s oldest joke, a proverb from the Old Babylonian period, that turned out to be-thatrs"s right, folks-a fart joke. bull; A new reading of Emily Dickinsonrs"s poetry that "reveals" the true meaning behind "They Have a Little Odor." bull; A harrowing account of Apollo astronauts getting inner-space gas from hydrogen bubbles in their drinking water on their way to the moon. bull; The other Tiger Woods scandal-this one involving a mysterious cheek-squeak recorded while Tiger sized up an approach shot at the 2009 Buick Open. bull; A scientist who built the worldrs"s biggest whoopee cushion and lived to tell about it . . . . . . and many more wacky but true tales from the fart historian who brought you the best-sellingWho Cut the Cheese?and its combustible sequel,Blame It on the Dog. In this incomparable collection yours"ll experience firsthand the Jungian implications of farting, the environmental import of "flatulence cards" in the carbon-offset market, and the brutally honest social commentary of a man whose office chair broadcasts his farts on Twitter. After reading this book yours"ll proudly proclaim, "I fart, therefore I am."

Jim Dawson is a perfect example of what happens when you try to teach a West Virginia hillbilly how to read ’n’ write and buy him a pair of shoes. He’s a former editor of Hustler magazine and the author of a dozen books on everything from early rock ’n’ roll to a history of the “mother” of all dirty words. He has also written liner notes for more than one hundred blues albums. Dawson lives in Hollywood, California.

Acknowledgments     viii
Introduction     1
 
    1    I Fart, Therefore I Am     4
    2    Bush-League Butt Burps     8
    3    Gassy Hound Is Hollywood Bound!     12
    4    War of the Whoopee Whoppers     16
    5    My Chair Is Telling Everyone I Stink!     20
    6    His Tooting Did the Talking     23
    7    The (Butt) Crack of Dawn     26
    8    Butt Blasts Bring Down American Airliner!     30
    9    The World’s Oldest Fart Joke     33
  10    Giving It Up for Lentils     36
  11    Farts, Press 1; For More Farts, Press 2     39
  12    Houston, We Have a Problem     42
  13    The Horn of Plenty Pooting!     46
  14    The World’s Worst Fart Film?     49
  15    The Earth Farts Back II     53
  16    The World’s Funniest Fart     57
  17    Out, Damp Spot!     61
  18    The Vroom in the Elephant     64
  19    Who Cut the Cheese?     68
  20    Boys Will Be Boys     70
  21    The Blame Game     75
  22    Breaking News: Tiger Tees Off!     77
  23    They Have a Little Odor     82
  24    Crepitation Without Representation!     86
  25    Who Said Farts Are Green?     90
  26    Can-Can Man with the Singing Can!     93
  27    Halitosis Hyped as Hippo Hot Air     98
  28    Twenty Celebrity Farts     102
  29    Let the Wind Blow Free!     110
  30    The Low-Fart Marsupial Diet     114
  31    Sighing Orifices: The Twain Shall Meet     117
  32    Reality Bites Bubbles in a Bathtub!     119
  33    Hollywood’s No-Farting Zone     124
  34    Did a Moose Let Loose?     127
  35    Step Away from the Fart Machine!     130
  36    The Princess of Passionate Gas     134
  37    Farty Factoids All in a Row!     138
  38    Straight Poop on the Yoop!     145
  39    Nether Winds in the Netherlands!     150
  40    Baby, Let’s Go Dutch!     154
  41    How Bad Was It?     157
  42    The Day His Butt Went Psycho     158
  43    This Is Your Brain on Gas!     161
  44    Subterranean Fartsick Blues     164
  45    Everybody’s Farting on YouTube!     167
  46    More to Love, More to Fart!     170
 
Resources List     173
Index     180