Ditch That Jerk : Dealing with Men Who

A gritty, hard-hitting guide to turning an extra-nasty man into antox-boyfriend or ex-husband uses examples from the author's counselingessions to illustrate the patterns an abusive male and shows women how topot the danger signs. Simultaneous.

Acknowledgments

viii

Foreword

x

Introduction

1

(4)

Can Abusers Really Change?

5

(2)

A Little Personal Background

7

(2)

Is This Book Fair to Men?

9

(1)

A Note to Men

10

(1)

A Note to Women

11

(1)

How to Use This Book

12

(2)

The Good, the Bad, and the Utterly Hopeless

14

(17)

What Is Abuse?

15

(5)

Early Warning Signs

20

(8)

The Potentially Good, the Definitely Bad, and the Utterly Hopeless

28

(3)

Common Traits---and Tricks---of Abusive Men

31

(26)

The Potentially Good Man

33

(5)

The Definitely Bad Man

38

(5)

The Utterly Hopeless Man

43

(5)

Smiling Faces

48

(5)

The Bait-and-Switch Technique

53

(1)

Bad Endings

54

(3)

Telling It Like It Isn't

57

(21)

Controlling Spin

57

(3)

When He's Caught: Telling It Like It Isn't

60

(4)

What's His Story?

64

(2)

The Blame Game

66

(8)

How To Stop the Spinning

74

(1)

The Jerk Test #1

75

(2)

A Note to Men on Jealousy

77

(1)

The ``Accidental'' Abuser

78

(22)

Getting the Redout

79

(2)

The Drunken-Bum Theory

81

(3)

Road Rage?

84

(2)

It's Just a Communication Problem

86

(3)

She's Violent Too

89

(1)

I'm Just a Hothead

90

(7)

Choice and Responsibility

97

(2)

The Jerk Test #2

99

(1)

Who's in Control Heare?

100

(16)

What Abusers Believe

100

(6)

Hard Feelings

106

(5)

Crimes of Passion

111

(2)

The Jerk Test #3

113

(2)

A Note to Men on Jealousy

115

(1)

The Costs and Payoffs of Abusive Behavior

116

(23)

What It Costs

116

(6)

Costs versus Benefits

122

(3)

Why Doesn't He Just Change?

125

(8)

The Moral of the Story

133

(5)

The Jerk Test #4

138

(1)

The Un-Cinderella

139

(19)

Do Abusers Hate Women?

140

(2)

Cinderella and Barbie

142

(10)

The Hopeless Woman-Hating Abuser

152

(3)

Don't Be Dorothy

155

(2)

The Jerk Test #5

157

(1)

What's Power Got to Do with It?

158

(21)

The Power Paradox

158

(3)

Doormats and Dominators

161

(3)

The Cycle of Abuse

164

(6)

Should You Forgive and Forget?

170

(2)

Putting the Shoe on the Other Foot

172

(6)

The Jerk Test #6

178

(1)

Changing Men

179

(31)

Will He, Won't He...Change

180

(4)

Barriers to Change

184

(10)

Good Guys Changing

194

(4)

What Now?

198

(3)

Men Who Won't Change---A Summary

201

(2)

Conclusion

203

(1)

Getting Help for Him

203

(7)

Resources

210

(12)

Index

222

What is included with this book?

The New copy of this book will include any supplemental materials advertised. Please check the title of the book to determine if it should include any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

The Used, Rental and eBook copies of this book are not guaranteed to include any supplemental materials. Typically, only the book itself is included. This is true even if the title states it includes any access cards, study guides, lab manuals, CDs, etc.

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Ditch That Jerk : Dealing with Men Who Control and Abuse Women

Summary

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials