The Fifth Gospel

I first must share with you that I am bipolar. My mother said that I have been bipolar all my life. I was not diagnosed with bipolar until I was 33 years old. My family just thought I was eccentric and I thought I was having visions from GOD. My Faith was wrapped up with my visions and hence I believed that the mania was somehow messages from GOD. I have both auditory and visual illusions and I still believe that these illusions are visions from GOD. The delusions came from trying to interpret those visions. After I was diagnosed with bipolar I no longer try to make sense of these visions. Instead of seeing myself cursed with a mental disorder I saw myself blessed with insights that help me think about my world environment around me. My Faith is still wrapped up with my visions. My mania, which I call my visions, are like Lewis Carroll's "Alice's Adventures in Wonderland." But when I am in clinical depression it is like a hammer of reality that feels like I am being held down by a whale. I welcome you to my world of visions. However, just remember that these visions are only mania. I cannot produce miracles. I have no powers beyond any normal human beings. Nevertheless, these visions are wrapped up with my Faith in GOD. I see them as a gift from GOD and not as a curse. I take my medicine which minimizes the visions so that I can function normally. The visions I had before 21 were all spiritual visions. However, at 21 years old I have learned a great deal of science. The visions took three different path; sometime spirituals, sometimes science, and sometimes both.