The First Time I Thought I Was Dying

A dazzling collection of essays that unpacks our unruly bodies and minds and questions why we are taught to fear and punish them, from an exciting and award-winning new author. We live in a world that expects us to be constantly in control of ourselves. Our bodies and minds, though, have other ideas. In this striking debut, artist and writer Sarah Walker wrestles with the awkward spaces where anatomy meets society: body image and Photoshop, phobias and religion, sex scenes and onstage violence, death and grief. Her luminous writing is at once specific and universal as she mines the limits of anxiety, intimacy and control. Sharp-witted and poignant, this collection of essays explores our unruly bodies and asks how we might learn to embrace our own chaos.

Sarah Walker is a writer, artist and photographer. She makes work about anxiety, control and intimacy in text, video and immersive installation across Australia and internationally. She is a Walkley-nominated essayist and critic, and co-hosted the podcast Contact Mic. She is also one of Australia’ s most experienced arts photographers. She lives on Wadawurrung country in Geelong, Australia, where she surfs (badly) and gardens (also badly).

Introduction Healing Brush Stage Directions Honeycomb and Waterfall Yes Yes No Abject Euphoria Inside Out The First Time I Thought I Was Dying Contested Breath Acknowledgements Notes on Sources