An Introduction: I was A Teenage, Pregnant, Alcoholic, Junkie Ninja Hooker
vii
It Was on Sale When I Lay Down on It
1
(2)
How Can I Have Morning Sickness When I Don't Get Up `Til Noon?
3
(4)
I Did, But I Don't Remember When
7
(2)
What Is It with Men and Their Cars?
9
(4)
Survival of the Fattest
13
(4)
A Moving Experience
17
(4)
Should I Get My Head Analyzed or Just My Hair?
21
(4)
If I Can't Have It All, Can I at Least Have Some of Yours?
25
(4)
In Sickness and in Sickness
29
(4)
The Bikini: What Nazi Thought This Thing Up?
33
(4)
To Tip or Not to Tip: There Should Be a Hot Line
37
(4)
It's a Boy, It Weights Twenty-four Pounds, and It's Got Giblets
41
(4)
Things You'll Never Hear Me Say in a Restaurant
45
(2)
A Patient Man (and Other Things That Don't Exist)
47
(4)
Underdeveloped Talent
51
(4)
Flirting with Success
55
(4)
Acting in the Movies
59
(4)
Getting Cold Feet
63
(4)
Comfortable with Age
67
(4)
Inhuman Nature
71
(4)
Public Speaking
75
(4)
Thirty-Five and Holding
79
(2)
It's Not Over Even When It's Over
81
(4)
The Frequent Flyer Flummox
85
(4)
Remotely Interesting
89
(4)
Clothes Make the Woman
93
(4)
Don't It Make Your Blue Carpet Brown?
97
(4)
Everything I've Ever Learned I've Never Had to Know Again
101
(4)
Things That Sound Better Than They Are
105
(2)
Things That Are Better Than They Sound
107
(2)
Driving Each Other Crazy
109
(4)
I'm Just Not an Inn Person
113
(4)
Daddy Dearest
117
(4)
Thinks That Never Caught On
121
(2)
If I Live in a Fantasy World, Why Do I Have to Pay Taxes?
123
(4)
When in Doubt, Make It Up
127
(4)
Rethinking Chapter 31
131
(2)
Nightmare on Sixty-fourth Street
133
(4)
Things That Make My Day
137
(2)
Cooking His Goose
139
(4)
Things I Hope I Never Have to Say in a Restaurant
143
(2)
Fillings ... Nothing More Than Fillings
145
(4)
Decorated with Honors
149
(4)
Title Fight
153
(2)
An Outroduction
155
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