The Philosophy of Friendship

Mark Vernon links the resources of the philosophical tradition with numerous illustrations from modern culture to ask what friendship is and how it relates to sex, work, politics and spirituality. Unusually, he argues that Plato and Nietzsche, as much as Aristotle and Aelred, should be put center stage. Their penetrating and occasionally tough insights are invaluable if friendship is to be a full, not merely sentimental, way of life for today.

Mark Vernon is a freelance journalist, media consultant and broadcaster.

Acknowledgements

ix

Introduction: the Ambiguity of Friendship

1

(10)

1. Friends at Work

11

(18)

On being useful

12

(2)

On not being used

14

(2)

On winning friends, not merely influencing people

16

(3)

The ultimate test: befriending bosses

19

(3)

The social dimension: commercial culture and the challenge to friendship

22

(2)

Realpolitik

24

(2)

Utility spreads

26

(3)

2. Friends and Lovers

29

(21)

Sex and friendship

31

(2)

Similarities and difference

33

(2)

Immortal longings: a theory of love and friendship

35

(4)

Platonic friendship

39

(2)

Practicalities

41

(3)

Better than sex?

44

(4)

Getting with friends

48

(2)

3. Faking It

50

(22)

Truth hurts

55

(4)

Another self

59

(4)

Other ways of honesty?

63

(3)

Solitude

66

(2)

Ending friendship

68

(4)

4. Unconditional Love

72

(21)

From loss of faith to rejection

75

(4)

Christian secularism

79

(2)

In ethical no-man's-land

81

(3)

Reaffirming friendship

84

(4)

Against atomism and absolutes

88

(3)

Trust in friendship

91

(2)

5. Civic Friendship

93

(26)

Tyrant slayers

96

(5)

Garden friendship

101

(1)

The end of an age

102

(5)

Public kisses

107

(5)

Sworn brothers

112

(2)

The piety of friendship

114

(5)

6. Politics of Friendship

119

(26)

Suffragette city

120

(4)

Political weight

124

(3)

Right relationship

127

(1)

What are gay men for?

128

(2)

Lads, blokes and metrosexuals

130

(3)

Queer lives

133

(4)

Sociological evidence

137

(2)

Friendship in other relationships

139

(1)

The return of trust and civic friendship?

140

(5)

7. The Spirituality of Friendship

145

(15)

Timing and exceptionality

147

(3)

Telling it slant

150

(2)

Mere friendship

152

(2)

'To do without it'

154

(6)

Conclusion: Philosophy and Friendship

160

(5)

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The Philosophy of Friendship

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials