Please Don't Break My Other Leg! A Guide to

Please Don't Break My Other Leg! is a guide to improving communication between health care professionals and patients. Valerie Mirvis breathes new life into the teaching of empathic skills by writing in an engaging and moving style and by including genuine case histories, controversial scientific research, imagery, literary quotations and Rikki Marr's specially commissioned illustrations. Based on more than 500 interviews, this book is profound enough to enhance the knowledge of professionals with considerable experience, while at the same time appealing to general members of the public with little or no experience of visiting the sick.

Valerie Mirvis is a social worker and freelance lecturer in the teaching of empathic skills. She has received the rare honour of becoming the first person without medical qualifications to be elected to the Council of the London Jewish Medical Society

Foreword

ix

Preface

xiii

Acknowledgments

xvii

The Mirror and the Pinhole

1

(12)

Examination of the role of truth in an empathic relationship, our motivation in visiting the sick and how we can leave our emotional baggage outside the patient's room so that we are free to empathise properly

It Takes Two to Tango

13

(14)

Definitions of sympathy. ``Tea and Sympathy.'' Examination of the difference between sympathy and empathy. Definitions of empathy

Nature and/or Nurture?

27

(12)

Is empathy something which can be taught? Is everyone capable of learning? What about those who are not in possession of all their faculties? Presentation of scientific evidence of the gene for empathy. Is there a difference between the capability of men and women? Discussion about psychopaths' difficulty in empathising

Nurture and Know-how

39

(14)

Examination of how we can improve our empathic skills through nurturing and imparting know-how. Good practice requires good supervision

Please Don't Break My Other Leg!

53

(14)

The power that emotions have on our health, both negative and positive. Scientific examination of the deleterious affect which lack of sufficient emotional support has on disease and recovery. The communication of bad news

Do We Have the Green Light?

67

(8)

We are now ready to visit. Do we have the patient's permission? What happens if we have spent hours coming to the hospital and the patient has a ``No Visitors'' sign on the door? Would it do any harm if we went in? Examination of the patient's right to privacy

Bedside Manners

75

(18)

Empathy and Etiquette. Controlling our Curiosity. Do we have an automatic right to know what is wrong with the patient? The role of courtesy in an empathic relationship. By which name do we address the patient? The reinforcing of adult patients' status as adults

Einstein's Other Theory of Relativity

93

(8)

Time takes on a new perspective when one is a patient. For how long do we visit? How do we know if we are overstaying our welcome? Can we rely on the patient's being able to tell us when it is time to leave?

Play it by Ear

101

(16)

Discussion on the difference between listening and hearing. The teaching of listening and communication skills. The use of silence. Do we interrupt too quickly and too often? Listening for changes in tonal levels which give us clues

Body Language

117

(12)

How do we use our bodies to convey our interest or disinterest? Differences of body language in different cultures. Exactly how valuable is eye contact? Debate about touching patients

I Cannot See For Looking

129

(8)

Discussion on the specific problems which visually impaired patients face when they are in hospital. Learning how to empathise with the visually impaired patient

Hearing Aid

137

(6)

Discussion on the specific problems which hearing impaired patients and patients with speech difficulties whom the visitor has difficulty in hearing face when they are in hospital. Learning how to empathise with both groups of patients. Discussion on what may happen when we mistakenly think that the patients cannot hear us, eg someone in a coma

Funny Ha Ha

143

(8)

The role of humour in visiting. When is it appropriate? What does it say about ourselves?

Direct Your Heart to Heaven

151

(6)

The role of prayer when visiting. Is it always appropriate? What might be the patient's reaction?

The Pen is Mightier than the Sword

157

(6)

Discussion about the letters and cards that we send to patients. Could our good intentions backfire owing to the words we choose?

The Reluctant Visitor

163

(8)

What happens if the patient wants us to visit and we are reluctant to do so? What could be the reasons that may be standing in our way? Can we be empowered to visit?

Puppet on a String

171

(12)

How do we cope when we feel that the patient is manipulating us or demonstrating challenging behaviour? How do we prevent this from happening? The use of ``tough love'' when dealing with borderline personalities. Can we use ``tough love'' and still empathise with the patient?

A Spoonful of Advice

183

(10)

Examination of the giving of advice to patients. Is it really our role to do so? Is it in order to philosophise about someone else's pain?

Empathic Patients

193

(8)

Uplifting examples of exceptional patients, who despite their grave illnesses were able to show outstanding empathy to their visitors

Notes

201

(6)

About the Author and Illustrator

207

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Please Don't Break My Other Leg! A Guide to Empathising with Patients

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials