I Wish Someone Had Told Me A Realistic Guide

There's no shortage of "expert" advice for the new mother: books, doctors and well-meaning grandmothers liberally give opinions on what you should be doing and how you should be feeling. But I Wish Someone Had Told Me is not a book of shoulds; it is a book about how women really handle the joys, the challenges and the problems of being a mother. During the course of her interviews with more than sixty new mothers, Nina Barrett made an important discovery. No one knows the secret: we are all putting our motherhood together from scratch. This collection of tales from the front addresses universal topics from labor (yes, it hurts), to marriage (babies may create strain rather than a bond), to daycare (there is no Mary Poppins), to everyday life with a baby (what exactly does a newborn do all day?). This book by mothers for mothers will instill confidence in all new mothers who fear that every other mother knows something they don't.

Author of three books, Nina Barrett has published articles, essays, and reviews in many national publications and won two James Beard Awards (2012 and 2013) for her radio food reporting. She currently owns an independent bookstore in Evanston, Illinois called Bookends & Beginnings.

Introduction

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one IDEAL: Labor should be painless, natural, and emotionally fulfilling. FACT: Labor can be unbearably painful, medically assisted, and emotionally traumatic.

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two IDEAL: "Don't worry, the baby will be fine." FACT: Sometimes, the baby isn't the perfect infant you dreamed of. And whether the problem is a minor infection or a major birth defect, coping with the medical treatment and your own anxieties can be difficult.

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three IDEAL: Once you give birth, your body quickly returns to its pre-pregnant form and function. FACT: If you thought recovery was simply about watching your stomach flatten and your bleeding diminish, you may be surprised at the number and complexity of the adjustments your body has to make. And the process may continue well beyond the six-week period traditionally allotted to postpartum recovery.

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four IDEAL: You might feel a little weepy in the days following the birth, but it's hormonal, and it will pass. FACT: You will probably go through more emotional ups and downs than your occasional weepy fits indicate, and for many external, as well as hormonal, reasons.

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five IDEAL: Everything you need to know about raising children is in some child-care book, somewhere. FACT: Mothering is about learning to trust your own instincts, regardless of what Spock, Brazelton, Leach, and others have to say on the subject.

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six IDEAL: Nursing is the best possible choice for feeding your baby. FACT: While experts almost universally promote breast-feeding, it may not work out for you.

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seven IDEAL: The baby will sleep peacefully in a basket for the first few months, while you get your body back in shape, cook gourmet meals, and learn to play the violin. FACT: Just feeding and diapering a newborn takes all day. If the baby is colicky, you'll be overachieving if you get your thank-you notes written before he's sitting up.

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eight IDEAL: Having a baby cements the bond between husband and wife. FACT: A new baby may severely test even a close marriage.

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nine IDEAL: Becoming a mother makes you feel so much closer to your own mother. FACT: This may be the occasion when your mother-or mother-in-law-finally does drive you nuts.

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ten IDEAL: There's so much less social pressure on women today about whether they should stay home or go back to full-time jobs. FACT: There's more social pressure than ever, much of it contradictory, so whichever choice you make is bound to include days of self-doubt.

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eleven IDEAL: During your maternity leave, you'll simply find a Mary Poppins or a well-situated, developmentally stimulating day-care center, and then you'll get right back to work. FACT: Finding day-care can be complicated and intimidating, and you usually have to work with what's available and affordable, not with what's ideal.

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twelve IDEAL: There is such a thing as a Good Mother, and if you try hard enough and make all the right choices, you can be one. FACT: It is possible to be a good mother-if by "good" you don't really mean "perfect," which many women do. This chapter takes a closer look at where our images of ideal mothers come from: Mythical Mothers, Memory Mothers, and Media Mothers.

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I Wish Someone Had Told Me A Realistic Guide to Early Motherhood

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials