Sex for Dummies

Everything you need to know about sex in the 21st century

S-e-x isn’t a bad three-letter word—but many of us are afraid to talk about it. In this new edition of the fun and comprehensive guide to sex, you’ll find out how to approach intimacy in a new way to get the most pleasure from a physical relationship. Written by the world’s favorite expert on the topic, Dr. Ruth helps you explore the ins and outs of dating and commitment, talk about sex with partners, and consider any health and social issues you may encounter along the way.

As well as giving you all you need to know about how to make your sex life happy, safe, and rewarding, this edition of Sex for Dummies has been updated to include discussions of recent changes and issues surrounding sexual topics — such as transgender rights and the #metoo movement — to provide a modern, 360-degree view of how our diverse sexualities impact and enrich the world around us. 

• Whether experienced or not, get the low down on how sex works
• Find out how to spice up yoursex life
• Take precautions to stay healthy
• Discover 10 common sexual myths — and why they’re wrong

Thanks to the timeless wisdom and unabashed honesty that only Dr. Ruth can offer, sex doesn’t have to be taboo — and this book makes it easier than ever to let your hair down in the bedroom while still keeping your head on straight!    

Dr. Ruth K. Westheimer is America's favorite sex therapist. Author of over 40 books and host of several TV shows on human sexual- ity, she frequently lectures around the world. Pierre A. Lehu has worked with Dr. Ruth for decades as publicist, writer, and friend.

Introduction 1

About This Book 1

Foolish Assumptions 3

Icons Used in This Book 4

Beyond the Book 4

Where to Go from Here 5

Part 1: Getting Ready for Sex 7

Chapter 1: So You Want to Know More about Sex 9

What is Sex, Anyway? 10

So Why Do We Have It? 10

Understanding the Ins and Outs of the Sexual Response Cycle 16

Partnering Up 18

Playing It Safe 20

Adjusting Over Time 20

Are You Ready to Get Busy? 21

Chapter 2: Tuning the Male Organ 23

The Penis: Inside and Out 23

Grasping the Basics of Your Testicles 31

The Prostate Gland 37

Chapter 3: Demystifying the Female Parts 39

Making Time for a Grand Tour 40

Translating All Those Latin Terms 41

The “Men” Words: Menstruation and Menopause 49

Breasts: Hanging in There 55

Chapter 4: Dating 59

Does Anybody Still Date? 60

Where Chemistry and Physics Mingle 60

Giving Romance a Chance to Bloom 61

Overcoming Loneliness and Getting Yourself in Dating Shape 62

A Road Map for the Dating Apps 63

The Thrill of the Chase, the Bummer of Rejection 65

Finding the Right Partner: Difficult, Yes; Impossible, No 67

If You’re North of the 29th Parallel 73

Practical Dating Tips for All Ages 75

Should You Have Sex On a First Date? 76

Chapter 5: Introducing Sex into a Relationship 77

Determining When the Time is Right 79

Safety First 82

Advice for Virgins 84

Advice for Those with Prior Experience 85

Chapter 6: Commitment and Marriage 89

Knowing That Love Isn’t Enough 90

Handling Children and Commitment 90

Putting Your Marriage First 91

Strengthening Your Marriage 91

Chapter 7: It’s All about Control: Contraception and Sex 97

Why Use Contraceptives? 98

Considering Your Birth Control Options 100

Facing Facts about Birth Control Myths 119

If Your Method Fails 122

Chapter 8: Growing Up Fast: The Challenges of the Teen Years 127

Being a Teenager in the 21st Century 128

Evolving into Adulthood 130

Dealing with Common Concerns 131

Protecting Your Privacy 141

Don’t Stop Here 142

Part 2: Doing It 143

Chapter 9: Foreplay: Revving Up Your Engines 145

Foreplay for Life 145

Linking the Emotional to the Physical 146

Setting the Stage 147

Getting Physical 149

Switching Gears: Engaging the Genitals 154

Moving on to the Main Event 159

Variety is the Spice of Foreplay 160

Chapter 10: Intercourse: Coming Together for the First Time 161

What’s the Rush? 162

Making Your First Time Special 163

The First Time for Women 167

The First Time for Men 170

The First Time All Over Again 171

Chapter 11: Changing Positions: Variations on a Theme 173

The Good Old Missionary Position 174

The Female-Superior Position 177

Taking Her from Behind 179

East Side, West Side, Side by Side 183

Lap Dancing 184

The Oceanic Position 185

Standing Up 186

Oral Sex: Using Your Mouth 187

Anal Sex: Handle with Care 188

Safe Sex: Playing Alone Together 189

Sex During and After Pregnancy: Orgasms are Okay, with Changes 189

Chapter 12: Going for the Big O 195

What is an Orgasm, Anyway? 195

Experiencing Orgasms: Differences for Men and Women 196

Achieving Orgasm: Let Me Count the Ways 199

Don’t Try — Let It Come You’ll Be Glad You Did 202

Putting on Your O-Face: Responding to the Orgasmic Experience 203

The Best Reason to Have an Orgasm 204

Chapter 13: Afterplay: Embracing the Moment 205

Understanding the Importance of Afterplay 206

Sharing the Moment 207

The Simplest of Techniques 209

Chapter 14: Spicing Up Your Sex Life 211

Using Variety to Add Some Va Va Va Voom to Your Sex Life 212

Expanding Your Toy Chest 214

What If You’re Just Never in the Mood? 217

Part 3: Different Strokes 219

Chapter 15: Enjoying Oral Sex 221

Overcoming Your Inhibitions 222

Leaving Him Breathless: What Men Like 223

Making Her Toes Curl: What Women Like 225

Dealing with Some Delicate Details 227

Assuming the Position 229

Addressing the Safety Issue 230

Chapter 16: Savoring Solo Play and Fantasy 233

Exploring the Mythology of Masturbation 233

Avoiding Too Much of a Good Thing 235

Masturbation: Good for All Ages 236

Masturbation Education 239

Fantasy: It’s All in Your Head 244

Chapter 17: Keeping Up with Cybersex and Other Hot Stuff 247

Eyes Wide Open: A Word of Caution 247

Cybersex: Sights for Mature Minds 248

Sex and the Telephone: Aural Sex 254

Sex and the Radio: It’s All Talk 255

Sex and Television: A Different Meaning of Boob Tube 256

Pulp Nonfiction 257

Sex with Multiple Partners: Where Do All of These Body Parts Go? 258

Chapter 18: Celebrating Same-Sex Relationships 261

Considering Sexual Identity 261

Determining Your Orientation: What Turns You On 266

Revealing Your Sexual Identity 266

Sexual Practices among Gay Men 271

Sexual Expression between Lesbians 272

Marriage between Same-Sex Partners 274

Chapter 19: Conquering the Challenges of Mature Sex 275

Female Changes: Tackling Menopause 276

Male Changes: Not All the Same 277

A benefit of aging: No more premature ejaculation 280

The Psychological Pluses and Minuses 280

Chapter 20: Thriving Sexually with Illness or Disability 283

We are All Sexual Beings 284

Sex When You’re Physically Disabled 284

Sex After You’ve Had a Heart Attack 288

When Disabilities Arise Later in Life 290

Sex When You Have Diabetes 291

Sex and People Who are Mentally Disabled or Ill 293

Sex and People Who are Living in a Long-Term Care Facility 295

Uncompromising Compromised Sex 296

Part 4: Having a Healthy Sex Life 297

Chapter 21: What You Can Catch and How to Prevent It 299

STDs: Battle Scars No One Wants after a Night of Sex 300

Let’s Get Serious 312

Chapter 22: Erectile Dysfunction and Other Male Sexual Problems 321

Premature Ejaculation 322

Erectile Dysfunction 328

Delayed Ejaculation 338

Priapism — The Case of the Permanent Erection 339

The Bent Penis 339

Lack of Desire 341

Chapter 23: Low Libido and Other Female Sexual Problems 343

That Elusive Orgasm 343

Ouch! It’s Too Tight in There 351

When Cleaning the House Sounds Better Than Having Sex 352

Every Body is Attractive 354

Sex After a Mastectomy 355

Chapter 24: Avoiding Sexual Relationship Pitfalls 357

Making Time for Alone Time 358

Making the Most of a Long-Distance Relationship 361

Dealing with Addictive Behavior: Hooked on Porn 362

Staying Close to Avoid the Empty-Nest Syndrome 364

Making Sex a Priority 365

Chapter 25: Sex and the Law 367

Sex, Children, and the Law 368

Rape: A Growing Concern 372

The Law and Contraception 373

The Law against Spreading Diseases 374

Abortion: A Legal Safeguard 375

The Law and Homosexuality 376

Prostitution: The Case for Legalization 377

Pornography: Erotic or Obscene 378

Adultery: Cheating the Law 380

Chapter 26: Teaching Your Children about Sex and Keeping Them Safe 381

Not Everything is Dangerous 382

Answering Children’s Questions 384

Warning Signs of Possible Sexual Abuse 385

The Accidental Voyeur 386

Protecting Your Children from the Media 387

Protecting Your Kids from Cyberporn 388

Giving the Speech about Strangers 391

Sex Ed and the Older Child 393

Other Messages You Don’t Want to Send 394

Part 5: The Part of Tens 397

Chapter 27: Ten Dumb Things People Believe about Sex 399

If I Haven’t Had Sex by the Time I’m 18, I’m a Loser 399

The More I Score, the More Pleasure I’ll Have 400

The Sex Depicted in Porn is True to Life 401

The Grass is Always Greener in the Neighbors’ Bedroom 401

Sex Will Make Everything All Right 402

A Good Lover Must Be an Open Book 402

I Should Compare Sexual Partners 403

I Can’t Become a Better Lover 403

Lovers Want and Need the Same Things 404

I’m Too Old to Have Sex 404

Chapter 28: Ten Tips for Safer Sex 407

Learn to Say No 407

Limit Your Number of Partners 408

Don’t Rely Solely on Your Instincts 408

Never Dull Your Senses When You’re with Strangers 409

Discuss Safer Sex in Advance 409

Use Condoms 410

Develop a Relationship Before You Have Sex 410

Don’t Engage in Risky Behavior 411

Don’t Forget about the Other STDs 411

Don’t Sell Your Other Options Short 412

Chapter 29: Ten Things Women Wish Men Knew about Sex 413

Chivalry Isn’t Dead Yet 413

Appearances Count 414

You Can’t Hurry Love 414

A Clitoris is Not Just a Small Penis 415

Women Need to Bask in the Afterglow 415

Kinky Sex Isn’t Sexy Sex 416

Wandering Eyes Mean Less Sex 417

Slam-Bam-Thank-You-Ma’am Doesn’t Cut the Mustard 417

Changing Diapers is Sexy 418

Just Because You Can’t Doesn’t Mean You Won’t 418

Chapter 30: Ten Things Men Wish Women Knew about Sex 419

Being Aware of Mixed Signals 419

Lack of Sex Really Can Hurt 420

Sometimes Wasting Electricity is Okay 420

Teamwork is Important 420

Celebrities’ Bodies are Not a Threat 421

A Little Tact, Please 422

If You Really Loved Me, You’d 422

The Way to a Man’s Heart is Not through His Stomach 423

It Might Just Be Sex 423

The Older a Man Gets, the More Help He Needs 424

Chapter 31: Ten Tips for Truly Great Lovers 425

Don’t Make Love on Your First Date 425

Set the Mood as Far in Advance as Possible 426

Find Out What Your Partner Needs 426

Protect Yourself and Your Partner 427

Don’t Fall into a Rut 427

Fix the Potholes of Love 428

Use Your Sense of Touch 428

Become a Great Kisser 429

Satisfy Your Partner Even If You Don’t Feel Like Sex 429

Adjust to Changes Caused by Aging 430

Appendix A: Step Into My Office 431

Appendix B: Terrific Resources 441

Index 445

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