Sticky Doorknobs : How to Laugh in the Face of Chaos and Assorted Tales from a Frazzled Dad
, by Patterson, Jimmy
- ISBN: 9780595143771 | 0595143776
- Cover: Paperback
- Copyright: 11/1/2000
Award-winning writer Jimmy Patterson has written about family life for six years for the Midland Reporter-Telegram and through his weekly e-mail column, "Life With Dad."
| Foreword | p. xiii |
| Acknowledgements | p. xv |
| Introduction | p. xix |
| Daughters: Driving Miss Goalie | p. 3 |
| The Great School Supply Hunt | p. 3 |
| The Scattering of the American Family | p. 6 |
| Going For Broke En Route to Soccer Practice | p. 8 |
| Dinner: How 'Bout Six Months from Tuesday? | p. 12 |
| Dad Tips For Surviving Back to School Week | p. 14 |
| Courting the Soccer Mom Vote | p. 15 |
| First Question: Will Homework Never End? | p. 17 |
| Get that Glossy Red Folder Out Of Here | p. 20 |
| With Weekends Like This, Bring on Monday | p. 22 |
| The Boy: When Thighs Double As Playground Equipment | p. 29 |
| Bottomless Pit: A Day in the Life of a 2-year-old's Belly | p. 29 |
| Toys Shoved in VCRs and Floaty Things in Drinks | p. 32 |
| Last Thing To Mature On A Kid? Taste Buds | p. 36 |
| Some Rules of Dress Only Dads Should Teach | p. 39 |
| Potty Training: The Miniseries | p. 41 |
| This I Know For Sure: Three-Year-Olds Are Immortal | p. 48 |
| Kids Crawling Into Bed Can Be A Real Nightmare | p. 51 |
| Two-Year-Olds Have A Monopoly On Hard-Headedness | p. 53 |
| Manipulation DNA: All Toddlers Have It | p. 56 |
| Family: This Story Just in from Dad... | p. 63 |
| Because She's Your Mother That's Why | p. 63 |
| If It's Bedtime, Then Why Aren't They In Bed? | p. 65 |
| What Qualifies As Big News As Different As Apples And Raisins | p. 69 |
| But God Said I Could! | p. 71 |
| Dinnertime Often Like The Evening News | p. 73 |
| Virgil And The Instruction Manual (Or, How NOT To Assemble A Swingset) | p. 75 |
| If We Can Have Virtual Pets, Why Not Giga-Dads? | p. 77 |
| IRS Says We Have No Children | p. 79 |
| IRS Says We Have Children Again | p. 82 |
| Flat Tires, Bulging Neck Veins And Snowy New Mexico Roads | p. 85 |
| Honey I Flattened The Cat | p. 89 |
| Never Forget The Soap In A Public Campground | p. 92 |
| Family Vacations In Small Cabins: Not A Good Idea | p. 96 |
| Returning From Vacation No Fun At All | p. 100 |
| When Reality Bites Into Your Second Honeymoon | p. 103 |
| Sister Acts | p. 109 |
| Not Much Slumbering Going On At These Parties | p. 109 |
| Problems Coming To Grips With The Stare | p. 112 |
| Two Sisters, One Bathroom, Thirty Minutes--Big Trouble | p. 115 |
| Hold The Phone: When Adults Stop Calling The House | p. 117 |
| Sure You Can Go Out and Play...If Your Room Is Clean | p. 119 |
| Up A Tree: Parents Threaten Mass Exodus If Kids Don't Clean Their Rooms | p. 122 |
| Getting Kids To Stop Wiggling Is Like Pulling Teeth | p. 125 |
| With An Assist By The Hairy Eyeball, Mrs. P Hands Down The Curse | p. 128 |
| Growin' Up: Shake Your Booty and Other Magical Nostalgia | p. 135 |
| Proms and Reunions: All About Lookinnnnnn' Goooooood | p. 135 |
| Reunions: Tons O'Fun For Spouses | p. 138 |
| 8-Track Flashback: Dressing As Dad On Halloween A Frightening Thought | p. 140 |
| Big Brother Turns 50 | p. 143 |
| Never Stand Between A Boy And His Hot Wheels | p. 145 |
| Wives And Other Hazards Of Sex | p. 151 |
| A Marriage Goes Down The Drain In A Matter Of Moments | p. 151 |
| Be Safe: Stay out of Her Path | p. 154 |
| Looks Like It Might Be A Long Summer | p. 156 |
| The Green Scarf Goes Better, But What Do I Know? | p. 159 |
| Doghouse Money Must Be Worked Into The Family Budget Each Month | p. 162 |
| How To Install A Dishwasher AND Remain Happily Married | p. 165 |
| If People Were Cars | p. 167 |
| Scrabble Night at Our House | p. 169 |
| Women Know Heat, Men Know Directions | p. 172 |
| Women Are Great At Packing For A Trip | p. 175 |
| Women Have Too Many Rules For Living | p. 177 |
| Perception: The Big And Small Of It All | p. 179 |
| Holidays and Other Celebrations | p. 185 |
| Hamburgers Won't Cut It For Mother's Day | p. 185 |
| Spring Forward, Fall Hard | p. 187 |
| Be Careful: He's A Green MandM--And He's Armed | p. 190 |
| What If My Kids Had Been At The First Thanksgiving | p. 192 |
| Dear Family: This Year I Made It A Federal Offense To Write And Mail Yearly Form Letters | p. 195 |
| Tis The Season No More: So This Is A Bad Thing? | p. 199 |
| A Few Of My Favorite Things | p. 202 |
| About the Author | p. 205 |
| Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved. |
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