Undetectable

Undetectable is a story of love, loss, and viral loads, a memoir of long-term survival with HIV. From graduate student in 1989, who contracts the virus from the love of his life, to writer in 2018 visiting the slums of Nairobi, the author finds his own drama intertwined with the astonishing stories of his HIV+ peers, narratives that intersect the path of his travails and act as foils to the foibles of a gay man who comes out, falls in love, and faces a death sentence at the beginning of his career. In the fight for medicine, support, and love, the author learns the power of linking self to other as he faces stigma, heartbreak, and fear with a visceral resilience.

Casey Charles lives in Missoula, Montana and Palm Springs, California, where he writes across genres. His first book, The Sharon Kowalski Case: Lesbian and Gay Rights on Trial (2003), was nominated for a Publishing Triangle Award in nonfiction, and a collection of essays, Critical Queer Studies: Law, Film, and Fiction in Contemporary America followed in 2012. He is the author of two novels: The Trials of Christopher Mann and The Monkey Cages, which appeared from Lethe Press in 2018. He has also published two poetry chapbooks and a full collection entitled Zicatela.

C O N T E N T S Introduction xi THE RAMBLE (1989-1990) 1. Midtown 3 2. Upper West Side 8 3. Kearny, New Jersey 12 4. Jog, Memory 20 5. Snapshot— 1990 28 6. Upper East Side 29 7. Chelsea 31 8. The Red Sea 34 9. Philadelphia 40 10. Ilha Grande 43 11. Relationshit 47 12. Santos 52 THE QUEEN CITY (1990-1991) 13. Lake Erie 61 14. American Falls 64 15. Red Lobster 68 16. Lé opoldville 72 17. News at 11 76 18. Needle Exchange 81 19. “ Fast Car” 84 OREGON (1992-1994) 20. Eugene 91 21. Wings 95 22. Not Miguel 100 23. Lymphophobia 106 24. Not So with Joe 111 25. Dr. Root 115 26. Elephant Man 119 27. Crow Man 124 TRADER JOE (1994-1997) 28. Gay Dog 131 29. Deep Bay 136 30. Mount Washington 141 31. Don’ t Panic 148 32. Crix 151 UNDER THE BIG SKY (1997-2011) 33. Sunlite Lane 157 34. Rock Steady 161 35. Family Systems 165 36. Queer Stories 172 37. “ Why so Pale and Wan ” 179 38. Stockyard Road 185 39. Sandpoint 191 40. Tucker 195 41. Msenge 199 42. Korogocho 206 THE BOROUGH AND BEYOND (2010-2018) 43. Deletions 215 44. The Barge 222 45. ’ Til Death Do Us Part 227 46. Huerfano County Line 230 TERRA INCOGNITA (2011-2013) 47. “ The Body Speaks Its Mind” 235 48. March Madness 237 49. Schemas 243 50. HAND 247 BEFORE AND AFTER 51. The World 257 (2013) 52. Out, Out 260 53. Blood Brothers 263 54. “ To prepare a face to meet the faces that you meet” (Eliot) 267 55. Obama Nation 274 EPILOGUE 56. Let’ s Kick ASS 281 57. U=Me 283 Disclaimer 285 Acknowledgments 287 About Running Wild Press 289 Notes 291