We Are Never Meeting in Real Life. Essays

NEW YORK TIMES BESTSELLER • This essay collection from the “bitches gotta eat” blogger, writer on Hulu’s Shrill, and “one of our country’s most fierce and foulmouthed authors” (Amber Tamblyn, Vulture) is sure to make you alternately cackle with glee and cry real tears.

Whether Samantha Irby is talking about how her difficult childhood has led to a problem in making “adult” budgets; explaining why she should be the new Bachelorette (she's "35-ish, but could easily pass for 60-something"); detailing a disastrous pilgrimage-slash-romantic-vacation to Nashville to scatter her estranged father's ashes; sharing awkward sexual encounters; or dispensing advice on how to navigate friendships with former drinking buddies who are now suburban moms (hang in there for the Costco loot!); she’s as deft at poking fun at the ghosts of her past self as she is at capturing powerful emotional truths.

Don't miss Samantha Irby's new book, Quietly Hostile, coming soon!

Samantha Irby writes a blog called "bitches gotta eat."

My Bachelorette Application
A Blues for Fred
The Miracle Porker
Do You Guys Pay Your Fucking Bills or What?
You Don’t Have to Be Grateful for Sex
A Christmas Carol
Happy Birthday
A Case for Remaining Indoors
A Total Attack of the Heart
A Civil Union
Mavis
Fuck It, Bitch. Stay Fat.
Nashville Hot Chicken
I’m in Love and It’s Boring
A Bomb, Probably
The Real Housewife of Kalamazoo
Thirteen Questions to Ask Before Getting Married
Yo, I Need a Job.
Feelings Are a Mistake
We Are Never Meeting in Real Life.

Acknowledgments