What About Me? Growing Up With A

A compassionate and accessible guide on living with and caring for a developmentally disabled sibling.

Introduction Personal and Clinical Perspectives on Siblings of Developmentally Disabled Children and Adults

1

(4)

A Personal Story

5

(12)

What Research Tells Us about the Brothers and Sisters of Developmentally Disabled Children

17

(22)

How Common Are Families with a Developmentally Disabled Member?

18

(4)

The ``Labeling'' of People with Developmental Disabilities

22

(2)

The Meaning of Sibling Relationships

24

(4)

Factors Influencing Sibling Coping

28

(10)

Moving from Research to Individual Cases

38

(1)

A Family's Adjustment to a Developmentally Disabled Child

39

(32)

The Relationship between the Parents

40

(2)

Factors That Affect How Well Parents Raise Children Together

42

(8)

Other Parenting Stressors

50

(3)

Parental Age and Approaches to Child Rearing

53

(2)

Parental Denial and Its Relation to Social Support

55

(2)

Extended-Family Social Support and the Nonhandicapped Siblings

57

(1)

Parental Problems in Confronting the Disabled Child's Diagnosis

58

(4)

The Effects of Pointing the Finger of Blame

62

(2)

The Age of Recognition and the Age of Diagnosis

64

(1)

Explaining Developmental Disability to Nonhandicapped Siblings

65

(5)

Conclusions

70

(1)

Cultural, Religious, and Educational Factors Influencing Family Adjustment

71

(22)

Different Cultures and Different Attitudes toward the Developmentally Disabled

72

(1)

Mainstream Culture and Changing Attitudes toward Developmental Disabilities

72

(4)

Asian Families and Developmental Disabilities

76

(3)

Latino Families and Developmental Disabilities

79

(2)

African-American Families and Developmental Disabilities

81

(2)

Religion and How It Helps in Coping with a Disabled Child

83

(3)

A Parent's Level of Formal Education and Coping with a Disabled Child

86

(6)

Conclusions

92

(1)

Coping and Defending: Applying the Adult-Children-of-Alcoholics Model

93

(20)

The Adult-Children-of-Alcoholics (ACOA) Model

94

(11)

Maladaptive Coping in Families with a Developmentally Disabled Child

105

(7)

More Positive Coping

112

(1)

The Parentified Child

113

(24)

Defining Parentification

113

(1)

The Circumstances of Parentification

114

(10)

Taking Actions to Understand and Help the Parentified Child

124

(4)

Adolescent Backlash

128

(9)

Who Is at Risk of Becoming a Parentified Child?

137

Approaches to Coping

133

(4)

The Withdrawn Child

137

(20)

Who Is the Withdrawn Child?

137

(4)

The Roots of Withdrawn Behavior

141

(1)

Helping the Withdrawn Child to Feel Better

142

(1)

Difficulties Encountered at Home by the Withdrawn Child

143

(4)

Characteristics of the Withdrawn Child in Adolescence and Adulthood

147

(1)

Who Is at Risk of Becoming a Withdrawn Child?

147

(2)

Detecting Depression in the Withdrawn Child

149

(5)

Professional Help for a Withdrawn, Depressed Child

154

(1)

Conclusions

154

(3)

The Acting-Out Child

157

(14)

Acting-Out Behavior

158

(5)

Characteristics of the Acting-Out Child

163

(1)

Who Is at Risk of Becoming an Acting-Out Child?

164

(2)

Helping the Acting-Out Child

166

(3)

Conclusions

169

(2)

The Superachieving Child

171

(12)

Superachieving and Perfectionism

171

(2)

The Mental Age Gap

173

(1)

The Importance of Being Independent

174

(3)

The Need for a Separate Life Outside the Home

177

(1)

The Hero or Mascot of the Family

178

(1)

Intermittent Reinforcement of Achievements

178

(1)

Superachieving and Family Characteristics

179

(1)

Implications for the Adult Sibling

180

(3)

Promoting a Healthy Family Life

183

(22)

Adjustment to a Disabled Sibling as a Child and as an Adult

183

(4)

Stressors That Affect Family Functioning

187

(3)

Suggestions for Coping with Areas of Family Conflict

190

(5)

Problem-Solving Skills

195

(4)

Aids to Family Coping from Outside the Home

199

(3)

Residential Placement

202

(3)

Legal Aspects of Becoming Your Brother's Keeper

205

(20)

Responsibilities of an Adult Sibling

205

(2)

The Politics and Psychology of Public Services

207

(1)

Services for the Disabled and the Tax Revolt

208

(2)

Strategies for Gaining Access to Services

210

(2)

Legal and Financial Issues

212

(5)

Public Services for Disabled Persons

217

(3)

Strategies for Successful Advocacy

220

(5)

Afterword

225

(2)

Appendixes Discussion-Group and Support-Group Materials and Topics for Individual Consideration

227

(48)

IA. The Mixing of Coping Styles: Adult Siblings---Individual or Group Exercise

229

(2)

IB. Positive and Negative Connotations of Coping Styles: Adult Siblings---Group Discussion

231

(2)

IC. Sibling Areas of Conflict: Adult Siblings---Questionnaire

233

(10)

II. Social Support and Family Resources Questionnnaire: Adult Siblings or Parents---Individual and Group Exercise

243

(6)

III. Defenses and Negative Affects: Adult Siblings---Group or Individual Exercise

249

(2)

IVA. Adult Siblings: Parentified Child---Questionnaire

251

(6)

IVB. Adult Siblings: Withdrawn Child---Questionnaire

257

(4)

IVC. Adult Siblings: Acting-Out Child---Questionnaire

261

(4)

IVD. Adult Siblings: Superachieving Child---Questionnaire

265

(4)

V. Parent-Sibling Interaction: Parent Exercise

269

(2)

VI. Children's Concept of Developmental Disabilities: Parent Exercise

271

(2)

VII Family Problem-Solving Approaches: Siblings and Parents---Home or Family Therapy Exercise

273

(2)

For Further Reading

275

(4)

Index

279

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What About Me? Growing Up With A Developmentally Disabled Sibling

Summary

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials