Prologue: Bambi's Mother Was Just Running an Errand
xiii
The Family That Stays Together (in a Really Small Apartment) Prays for More Space
1
(5)
Of Mice and Me
6
(4)
Mouse Redux
10
(4)
Throwing Up Walls
14
(3)
Do You Know Where Your Children Are?
17
(4)
Confessions of a Former Party Girl
21
(4)
Mom's Hobby
25
(9)
Bunk Beds and Movie Stars
34
(3)
Impersonating Home Buyers
37
(4)
You Start to Live When You Learn to Drive
41
(6)
A Good Old Cat
47
(3)
The Closing from Hell
50
(5)
Leaving
55
(3)
Moving Day
58
(3)
Cleaning for the Cleaning Lady
61
(5)
Too Darn Hot
66
(3)
How to Swim and When to Let Go
69
(5)
The Horrible Truth About Bearing Children
74
(6)
Dead on the Prairie
80
(5)
Happiness Is Closet Space
85
(4)
Like a Good Neighbor, We're Fully Insured
89
(4)
Can't Shoot 'em
93
(4)
Nature Stinks
97
(4)
Suburban Peril
101
(4)
The Ex-Pets
105
(4)
A New Cat
109
(3)
Fill'er Up
112
(4)
A Stomach Flu for the New Millennium
116
(3)
A Martha Stewart-less Christmas
119
(4)
A Big Irish Ma'am
123
(6)
Collectibles and Mershicals: The Scourge of Modern Christmas
129
(6)
Let It Snow
135
(4)
The Baby's Surgery
139
(3)
The Sewer Comes to Us
142
(6)
Who's Watching the Kids?
148
(9)
Aggravated Devotion
157
(5)
School Socks
162
(4)
Going Back to the Gym
166
(4)
Movie Star Hair
170
(6)
All Out of Feng Shui
176
(4)
A Week in the Life
180
(6)
Is This Chapter Tax Deductible?
186
(7)
Financially Challenged
193
(4)
House for Sale
197
(6)
Free Housebreaking Wee-Wee Pad with Every Purchase
203
(6)
Environmentally Challenged
209
(4)
These Are the Good Old Days
213
(4)
Epilogue: The Cargo Space Shift
217
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