I Thought It Was Just Me (But It Isn'T) : Making the Journey from "What Will People Think?" to "I Am Enough"

The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. We spend too much precious time and energy managing perception and creating carefully edited versions of ourselves to show to the world. As hard as we try, we can’t seem to turn off the tapes that fill our heads with messages like, Never good enough!” and What will people think?” Why? What fuels this unattainable need to look like we always have it all together? At first glance we might think it’s because we admire perfection, but that’s not the case. We are actually the most attracted to people we consider to be authentic and down-to-earth. We love people who are real” – we’re drawn to those who both embrace their imperfections and radiate self-acceptance. There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfectis synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretendingand perfection. Based on seven years of ground-breaking research and hundreds of interviews, I Thought It Was Just Meshines a long-overdue light on an important truth: Our imperfections are what connect us to each other and to our humanity. Our vulnerabilities are not weaknesses; they are powerful reminders to keep our hearts and minds open to the reality that we’re all in this together. Dr. Brown writes, We need our lives back. It’s time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection – the courageto be real, the compassionwe need to love ourselves and others, and the connectionthat gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives.”

Bren+¬ Brown, Ph.D., LMSW, is an educator, writer and nationally renowned lecturer, as well as a member of the research faculty at the University of Houston Graduate College of Social Work, where she studies empathy, shame and vulnerability. She has dedicated her career to understanding how we develop meaningful connections in our lives and how we can become more resilient to the emotions and experiences that are barriers to healthy, loving relationships.