Suicide Index : Putting My Father's Death in

One winter morning in 1991, Joan Wickersham's father shot himself in the head.The father she loved would never have killed himself, and yet he had.His death made a mystery of his entire life. Who was he? Why did he do it? And what was the impact of his death on the people who loved him? Using an index--that most formal and orderly of structures--Wickersham explores this chaotic and incomprehensible reality. Every bit of family history, every encounter with friends, doctors, and other survivors, exposes another facet of elusive truth. Dark, funny, sad, and gripping, at once a philosophical and a deeply personal exploration, The Suicide Indexis, finally, a daughter's anguished, loving elegy to her father.

The Suicide Index
Suicide: act of attempt to imagine	p. 1
Bare-bones account	p. 5
Immediate aftermath	p. 7
Anger about	p. 35
Attitude toward his	p. 36
Mine	p. 43
Belief that change of scene might unlock emotion concerning	p. 44
Day after brother's appearance	p. 48
Concern that he will be viewed differently now	p. 54
"little room" discussion with his business partner	p. 56
Search warrant	p. 59
Speculation relating to bulge	p. 61
Deviation from chronological narrative of	p. 67
Factors that may have had direct or indirect bearing on Expensive good time	p. 72
Suicide: factors that may have had direct or indirect bearing on (cont.) pots of money	p. 88
Uneasy problem of blame	p. 103
Finding some humor in ashes	p. 105
Valentine's Day	p. 106
Glimpses of his character relevant to	p. 107
Information from his brother sparked by	p. 116
Intrafamilial relationships reexamined in light of Munich	p. 124
My grandmother	p. 139
Items found in my husband's closet and	p. 152
Life summarized in an attempt to illuminate	p. 157
Numbness and Bullwinkle	p. 196
Chicken pox	p. 199
Duration	p. 201
Food	p. 202
Husband	p. 204
Psychiatric response	p. 207
Various reprieves	p. 212
Opposing versions of	p. 214
Other people's stories concerning	p. 216
Other shoe and	p. 224
Suicide: (cont.) philosophical conundrums stemming from First	p. 229
Second	p. 230
Possible ways to talk to a child about family tree	p. 231
Full disclosure	p. 234
Not yet	p. 236
Rational approach	p. 238
Weapons god	p. 243
Psychiatry as an indirect means of addressing	p. 247
Psychological impact of	p. 256
Readings in the literature of	p. 274
Romances of mother in years following	p. 278
"things" folder and	p. 297
Thoughts on method of	p. 302
Where I am now	p. 305
Table of Contents provided by Publisher. All Rights Reserved.

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Suicide Index : Putting My Father's Death in Order

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