Becoming Parents How to Strengthen Your

Moving into parenthood is typically a time of great joy and excitement, but it also brings fatigue, stress, and conflict. From the authors of the best-selling Fighting for Your Marriage and A Lasting Promise, this unique and innovative guide offers indispensable advice on how to protect and preserve your marriage and take care of yourselves as you become parents. Based on scientific research and containing real-life examples, Becoming Parents challenges you to seize this opportunity to really thrive in your relationship and in parenting together as a team."If you're having a baby, buy this book! It will give your baby the most important gift of all-parents who know how to keep their relationship happy, satisfying, and stable-the kind of relationship your baby can count on and learn from." --Diane Sollee, director, Coalition for Marriage, Family and Couples Education

PAMELA L. JORDAN, Ph.D., R.N., is associate professor in the Department of Family and Child Nursing, University of Washington. She is an educator, researcher, writer, and creator of the Becoming Parents Program, a modified and expanded version of PREP.

SCOTT M. STANLEY, Ph.D., is codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, University of Denver, a developer of PREP, and coauthor of A Lasting Promise.

HOWARD J. MARKMAN, Ph.D., is professor of psychology and codirector of the Center for Marital and Family Studies, University of Denver, and a developer of PREP. Stanley and Markman, along with Susan L. Blumberg, are coauthors of the best-selling Fighting for Your Marriage.

Acknowledgments

ix

Introduction

xi

Handling Conflict: Protecting Your Marriage

1

(76)

Four Key Patterns That Can Harm a Relationship

3

(18)

Communicating Safely and Clearly: The Speaker-Listener Technique

21

(20)

Problem Solving

41

(22)

Ground Rules for Handling Conflict

63

(14)

Going Deeper: Dealing with Core Issues

77

(88)

The Difference Between Issues and Events

79

(18)

Unmet Expectations and What to Do About Them

97

(18)

The Importance of Core Values and Beliefs

115

(14)

Commitment: The Glue That Holds Relationships Together

129

(18)

Forgiveness and the Preservation or Restoration of Intimacy

147

(18)

Relationship Enhancement: Maintaining the Great Things

165

(42)

Preserving and Protecting Friendship

167

(12)

Preserving and Protecting Fun Together

179

(10)

Hello Baby, Goodbye Sex? Protecting and Enhancing Your Sex Life

189

(18)

Creating a Healthy Lifestyle

207

(72)

Managing Fatigue

209

(16)

Managing Stress

225

(16)

WARNING: Don't Try Parenting by Yourselves

241

(16)

Roles and Tasks: Who Does What?

257

(22)

Some Final Words

279

(4)

Some Thoughts on Domestic Violence

283

(2)

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Becoming Parents How to Strengthen Your Marriage as Your Family Grows

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials