Infinite Days
, by Maizel, Rebecca
- ISBN: 9780312649913 | 0312649916
- Cover: Paperback
- Copyright: 8/3/2010
"Throughout all my histories, I found no one I loved more than you...no one." Those were some of Rhode's last words to me. The last time he would pronounce his love. The last time I would see his face. It was the first time in 592 years I could take a breath. Lay in the sun. Taste. Rhode sacrificed himself so I, Lenah Beaudonte, could be human again. So I could stop the blood lust. I never expected to fall in love with someone else that wasn't Rhode. But Justin was...daring. Exciting. More beautiful than I could dream. I never expected to be sixteen again...then again, I never expected my past to come back and haunt me...
Rebecca Maizel graduated from Boston University and the Rhode Island College master’s program. She teaches community college in Rhode Island and is studying to receive her MFA from Vermont College.
Chapter 1
I release you….I release you, Lenah Beaudonte. Believe…and be free. Those were the last words I could remember. But they were formless, said by someone whose voice I did not recognize. It could have been ages ago.
When I awoke, I immediately felt a cold surface on my left cheek. An icy shiver rushed down my spine. Even with my eyes closed, I knew I was naked, stomach down on a hardwood floor.
I gasped though my throat was so dry I made an unearthly animal sound. Three heaving breaths then a thump-thump, thump-thump - a heart beat. My heartbeat? It could have been ten thousand fluttering wings. I tried to open my eyes but with each blink there was a flash of blinding light. Then another. And another.
“Rhode!” I screamed. He had to be here. There would be no world without Rhode.
I writhed on the floor, covering my body with my hands. Understand that I am not the type of person to find herself naked and alone especially in a situation where sunlight shines down on her body. Yet, there I was, bathed in yellow light, sure that I was moments away from a painful, fiery death - I had to be. Soon flames would erupt from within my soul and turn me into dust.
Only, nothing happened. No flames or imminent death. There was only the smell of the oak in the floor. I swallowed and the muscles in my throat contracted. My mouth was wet with... saliva! My chest rested on the floor. I pressed down on my palms and craned my neck to look at the source of my torment. Luminous daylight streamed into a bedroom from a large bay window. The sky was a sapphire blue, no clouds.
“Rhode!” My voice seemed to swirl in the air, vibrating out of my mouth. I was so thirsty. “Where are you?” I screamed.
A door somewhere near me opened and closed. I heard a wobbling step, an uneven shuffle then Rhode's black, buckle boots stepped into my eye line. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. Gasping. My God - was I breathing?
Rhode loomed over me but he was a blur. He leaned forward so his hazy features were within inches of my face. Then there he was, as though coming out of a mist, looking as I had never seen him before. The skin over Rhode's cheekbones stretched so tight it looked as though his bones would break through. His usually full and proud chin was now a thin point. But the blue of his eyes - they were the same. Even in the haze of that moment they pierced me, down to my soul.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Rhode said. Despite black bruises that ringed his eyes, a twinkle, from somewhere deep within looked back at me. “Happy sixteenth birthday,” he said and extended a hand.
*
Rhode gripped a glass of water. I sat up, took it from him and finished it in three large gulps. The cold water trickled down the back of my throat, flowed down my esophagus and into my stomach. Blood, a substance I was used to, trickled, but its absorption into the vampire body was a lot like a sponge soaking up liquid. It had been so long since I'd had a drink of water....
In Rhode's other hand was a piece of black cloth. When I took it from him, the cloth cascaded out to reveal a black dress. It was lightweight cotton. I pressed up from the floor and stood up. My knees buckled but I steadied myself by throwing my arms out to balance. I stood there for a moment, until I was firmly planted to the ground. When I tried to walk, a small vibration shook me so hard that my knees touched.
“Put that on and then come into the other room,” Rhode said and lumbered unevenly out of the bedroom. I should have noticed that he had to hold onto the doorframe when he walked but my knees and thighs trembled and I had to try and find my balance again. I let my hands fall back to my sides. My brown hair unfurled and like seaweed, strands stuck to my naked body. Longer strands reached my breasts. I would have given anything for a mirror. I took a few breaths and my knees wobbled again. I looked around for a corset but there was nothing. How curious! Was I meant to walk around this place with nothing to hold me in? I slid the dress over my head and it stopped right above my knees.
I didn't look a day over 16, yet if someone had calculated on that particular day - I officially turned 592.
Everything was so crisp and bright, too bright. Beams of light trickled minute rainbows across my feet. I looked around the room. Despite waking up on the floor, there was a mattress in an iron bed frame covered by a black comforter. Across the room a bay window looked out at full leaves and swaying branches. Beneath the window was a seat covered in blue, plush pillows.
I ran my fingertips against the textured wood of the walls and couldn't believe that I could actually feel it. The wood was layered and I felt the raised and jagged parts under my smooth fingertips. My existence as a vampire meant that all my nerve endings were dead. Only by remembering what things felt like as a human would my vampire mind understand whether I was touching something soft or hard. The only senses a vampire retained were those that heightened her ability to kill; the sense of smell was linked to flesh and blood, sight was super sight, detailed down to the minutiae, its sole purpose to find prey within an instant.
My fingers fluttered over the wall again - another rush of shivers rolled up my arms.
“There will be time for that,” Rhode said from the other room.
My heartbeat echoed in my ears. I could taste the air. As I walked the muscles in my thighs and calves seemed to burn, twitch and then relax. In order to stop shaking, I rested my body weight on the doorway and crossed my hands over my chest.
“What century is this?” I asked closing my eyes and taking a breath.
“The 21st,” Rhode said. His black hair, which reached halfway down his back the last time I saw him, had been cut short and now stood up in a spiky hairstyle. Around his right wrist was a white, medical bandage. Rhode gripped a side table and lowered himself into a crimson colored lounge seat.
“Sit,” he whispered. I sat down on a pale blue couch that faced the lounger.
“You look terrible,” I whispered.
“Thank you,” he said with the barest glimmer of a smile.
Rhode's cheeks were so sunken that his once masculine, carved features now clung to his bones. His usual golden skin had yellowed. His arms quivered as he lowered himself into the chair, holding onto it until he was almost fully sitting down.
“Tell me everything,” I commanded.
“Give me a moment,” he said.
“Where are we?”
“Your new home,” he closed his eyes. Rhode leaned his head back onto the chair. He gripped the armrests and I noticed that the rings that had once adorned his fingers were now gone. The curling black snake with emerald eyes, the poison ring for emergencies (which meant it was always filled with blood) were missing. Only one ring remained on his pinky finger. My ring. The ring that I had worn for 500 years. Only then did I notice that own hands were bare. It was a tiny silver band with a dark, black stone -- onyx. “Never wear onyx unless you want or know death,” he once told me. I believed him. Besides, up until that moment, I was confident no vampire enjoyed creating death more than I did.
I tried to avoid his gaze. I'd never seen Rhode so weak.
“You're human, Lenah,” he said.
I nodded once in acknowledgement though I looked at the lines in the hardwood floor. I couldn't respond. Not yet. I wanted it too much. The last interaction I had with Rhode, before waking up in that bedroom was about my desire to be human. We had an argument; one that I thought would last for centuries. It did, in a way, the argument had happened a century before that moment.
“You finally got what you wanted,” he whispered.
I had to look away again. I couldn't stand the cool blue of his eyes appraising me. Rhode's appearance was so altered - changed - as though he was withering away. When he was at his fullest health his square jaw and blue eyes made him one of the most beautiful men I'd ever seen. I say man but I am not sure of Rhode's age. He could have been just a boy when he was made into a vampire but through the years, he'd clearly seen and done so much--it aged him. Vampires as they move into the maturity of their existence become so ethereal in appearance that it is nearly impossible to guess their age.
Making sure to keep my eyes away from his, I examined the living room. It looked as though he had just moved in, though the atmosphere of the room felt like Rhode. Despite a few boxes piled next to the door everything seemed to be in its proper place. Many of my possessions from my vampire life decorated the apartment. Specifically, items from my bedchamber. On the wall, an ancient sword was held to a metal plate by golden clasps. It was one of Rhode's favorite pieces, his longsword from his days with the Order of the Garter, a ring of knights under Edward the III. It was a special sword, one that was forged by magic, outside of the brotherhood. It had a black leather grip and thick base that tapered down to a deadly and distinct point. The pommel, the wheel shaped counter weight on the top of the sword had an engraving circling its perimeter: Ita fert corde voluntas, the heart wills it.
On the wall, on either side the sword, iron sconces made to look like roses linked by vines and thorns held unlit, white candles. White candles should be burned in a house wishing to dispel evil spirits or energy. Every vampire had them for protection against other darker magics. Yes, there are worse things in the universe than vampires.
“I forgot your human beauty.”
I looked back at Rhode. He wasn't smiling but his eyes sparkled in a way that I knew he meant it. Seeing me now in my human form was a personal fulfillment. He had done what he had set out to do hundreds of years before.
I release you….I release you, Lenah Beaudonte. Believe…and be free. Those were the last words I could remember. But they were formless, said by someone whose voice I did not recognize. It could have been ages ago.
When I awoke, I immediately felt a cold surface on my left cheek. An icy shiver rushed down my spine. Even with my eyes closed, I knew I was naked, stomach down on a hardwood floor.
I gasped though my throat was so dry I made an unearthly animal sound. Three heaving breaths then a thump-thump, thump-thump - a heart beat. My heartbeat? It could have been ten thousand fluttering wings. I tried to open my eyes but with each blink there was a flash of blinding light. Then another. And another.
“Rhode!” I screamed. He had to be here. There would be no world without Rhode.
I writhed on the floor, covering my body with my hands. Understand that I am not the type of person to find herself naked and alone especially in a situation where sunlight shines down on her body. Yet, there I was, bathed in yellow light, sure that I was moments away from a painful, fiery death - I had to be. Soon flames would erupt from within my soul and turn me into dust.
Only, nothing happened. No flames or imminent death. There was only the smell of the oak in the floor. I swallowed and the muscles in my throat contracted. My mouth was wet with... saliva! My chest rested on the floor. I pressed down on my palms and craned my neck to look at the source of my torment. Luminous daylight streamed into a bedroom from a large bay window. The sky was a sapphire blue, no clouds.
“Rhode!” My voice seemed to swirl in the air, vibrating out of my mouth. I was so thirsty. “Where are you?” I screamed.
A door somewhere near me opened and closed. I heard a wobbling step, an uneven shuffle then Rhode's black, buckle boots stepped into my eye line. I rolled onto my back and looked up at the ceiling. Gasping. My God - was I breathing?
Rhode loomed over me but he was a blur. He leaned forward so his hazy features were within inches of my face. Then there he was, as though coming out of a mist, looking as I had never seen him before. The skin over Rhode's cheekbones stretched so tight it looked as though his bones would break through. His usually full and proud chin was now a thin point. But the blue of his eyes - they were the same. Even in the haze of that moment they pierced me, down to my soul.
“Fancy meeting you here,” Rhode said. Despite black bruises that ringed his eyes, a twinkle, from somewhere deep within looked back at me. “Happy sixteenth birthday,” he said and extended a hand.
*
Rhode gripped a glass of water. I sat up, took it from him and finished it in three large gulps. The cold water trickled down the back of my throat, flowed down my esophagus and into my stomach. Blood, a substance I was used to, trickled, but its absorption into the vampire body was a lot like a sponge soaking up liquid. It had been so long since I'd had a drink of water....
In Rhode's other hand was a piece of black cloth. When I took it from him, the cloth cascaded out to reveal a black dress. It was lightweight cotton. I pressed up from the floor and stood up. My knees buckled but I steadied myself by throwing my arms out to balance. I stood there for a moment, until I was firmly planted to the ground. When I tried to walk, a small vibration shook me so hard that my knees touched.
“Put that on and then come into the other room,” Rhode said and lumbered unevenly out of the bedroom. I should have noticed that he had to hold onto the doorframe when he walked but my knees and thighs trembled and I had to try and find my balance again. I let my hands fall back to my sides. My brown hair unfurled and like seaweed, strands stuck to my naked body. Longer strands reached my breasts. I would have given anything for a mirror. I took a few breaths and my knees wobbled again. I looked around for a corset but there was nothing. How curious! Was I meant to walk around this place with nothing to hold me in? I slid the dress over my head and it stopped right above my knees.
I didn't look a day over 16, yet if someone had calculated on that particular day - I officially turned 592.
Everything was so crisp and bright, too bright. Beams of light trickled minute rainbows across my feet. I looked around the room. Despite waking up on the floor, there was a mattress in an iron bed frame covered by a black comforter. Across the room a bay window looked out at full leaves and swaying branches. Beneath the window was a seat covered in blue, plush pillows.
I ran my fingertips against the textured wood of the walls and couldn't believe that I could actually feel it. The wood was layered and I felt the raised and jagged parts under my smooth fingertips. My existence as a vampire meant that all my nerve endings were dead. Only by remembering what things felt like as a human would my vampire mind understand whether I was touching something soft or hard. The only senses a vampire retained were those that heightened her ability to kill; the sense of smell was linked to flesh and blood, sight was super sight, detailed down to the minutiae, its sole purpose to find prey within an instant.
My fingers fluttered over the wall again - another rush of shivers rolled up my arms.
“There will be time for that,” Rhode said from the other room.
My heartbeat echoed in my ears. I could taste the air. As I walked the muscles in my thighs and calves seemed to burn, twitch and then relax. In order to stop shaking, I rested my body weight on the doorway and crossed my hands over my chest.
“What century is this?” I asked closing my eyes and taking a breath.
“The 21st,” Rhode said. His black hair, which reached halfway down his back the last time I saw him, had been cut short and now stood up in a spiky hairstyle. Around his right wrist was a white, medical bandage. Rhode gripped a side table and lowered himself into a crimson colored lounge seat.
“Sit,” he whispered. I sat down on a pale blue couch that faced the lounger.
“You look terrible,” I whispered.
“Thank you,” he said with the barest glimmer of a smile.
Rhode's cheeks were so sunken that his once masculine, carved features now clung to his bones. His usual golden skin had yellowed. His arms quivered as he lowered himself into the chair, holding onto it until he was almost fully sitting down.
“Tell me everything,” I commanded.
“Give me a moment,” he said.
“Where are we?”
“Your new home,” he closed his eyes. Rhode leaned his head back onto the chair. He gripped the armrests and I noticed that the rings that had once adorned his fingers were now gone. The curling black snake with emerald eyes, the poison ring for emergencies (which meant it was always filled with blood) were missing. Only one ring remained on his pinky finger. My ring. The ring that I had worn for 500 years. Only then did I notice that own hands were bare. It was a tiny silver band with a dark, black stone -- onyx. “Never wear onyx unless you want or know death,” he once told me. I believed him. Besides, up until that moment, I was confident no vampire enjoyed creating death more than I did.
I tried to avoid his gaze. I'd never seen Rhode so weak.
“You're human, Lenah,” he said.
I nodded once in acknowledgement though I looked at the lines in the hardwood floor. I couldn't respond. Not yet. I wanted it too much. The last interaction I had with Rhode, before waking up in that bedroom was about my desire to be human. We had an argument; one that I thought would last for centuries. It did, in a way, the argument had happened a century before that moment.
“You finally got what you wanted,” he whispered.
I had to look away again. I couldn't stand the cool blue of his eyes appraising me. Rhode's appearance was so altered - changed - as though he was withering away. When he was at his fullest health his square jaw and blue eyes made him one of the most beautiful men I'd ever seen. I say man but I am not sure of Rhode's age. He could have been just a boy when he was made into a vampire but through the years, he'd clearly seen and done so much--it aged him. Vampires as they move into the maturity of their existence become so ethereal in appearance that it is nearly impossible to guess their age.
Making sure to keep my eyes away from his, I examined the living room. It looked as though he had just moved in, though the atmosphere of the room felt like Rhode. Despite a few boxes piled next to the door everything seemed to be in its proper place. Many of my possessions from my vampire life decorated the apartment. Specifically, items from my bedchamber. On the wall, an ancient sword was held to a metal plate by golden clasps. It was one of Rhode's favorite pieces, his longsword from his days with the Order of the Garter, a ring of knights under Edward the III. It was a special sword, one that was forged by magic, outside of the brotherhood. It had a black leather grip and thick base that tapered down to a deadly and distinct point. The pommel, the wheel shaped counter weight on the top of the sword had an engraving circling its perimeter: Ita fert corde voluntas, the heart wills it.
On the wall, on either side the sword, iron sconces made to look like roses linked by vines and thorns held unlit, white candles. White candles should be burned in a house wishing to dispel evil spirits or energy. Every vampire had them for protection against other darker magics. Yes, there are worse things in the universe than vampires.
“I forgot your human beauty.”
I looked back at Rhode. He wasn't smiling but his eyes sparkled in a way that I knew he meant it. Seeing me now in my human form was a personal fulfillment. He had done what he had set out to do hundreds of years before.
Chapter 2
Hathersage, England -- The Peaks
October 31, 1910 – Evening
My house was a stone castle. There were halls with marble floors and painted ceilings. I lived in Hathersage, a rural town known for its rolling hills and gorges. My castle was offset from the road and watched over endless fields. That night was Nuit Rouge or in English, Red Night. Once a year, vampires would come from around the globe and occupy my home for one month. For the 31 days in October, Nuit Rouge brought vampires of all races to my home. 31 days of opulence. 31 days of pure terror. This was the last night before everyone returned to their respective hauntings.
It was just after dusk. Above me the stars sparkled in the twilight - they glinted gold light off of glass goblets. I pushed past guests sipping on blood and dancing to a string quartet. Rhode followed me out from the back of the castle and onto the stone terrace. Men and women, dressed in top hats, corsets, and the finest silks from China, laughed and crowded Rhode’s way. At the back of the house, a set of stone steps led down into the gardens. Two white candles stood tall on either end of the steps, their wax dripped tiny archipelagos onto the stone. The yard spread out wide and then down, out into the sweeping countryside. I was wearing an evergreen, silk gown adorned with a gold piping, and a matching corset beneath.
“Lenah!” Rhode called but I was darting through the crowd. I was walking so fast that for a moment I thought I would spill out over my corset.
“Lenah! Stop!” Rhode called again.
It was just after dusk. I ran the length of the gardens down the sloping hill into the start of fields.
I led Rhode down the hill, out of sight of the vampires in the castle. I stood at the foot of fields that spread out for countless miles into the distance. Back then, I looked different. My skin was pale white, no shadows under my eyes or wrinkles on my skin. Just white, clear skin as if my pores had been buffed away.
At the crest of the hill, Rhode looked down at me. He was dressed in an evening suit, with a top hat and black silk lapels. He held a cane in his right hand. When he stepped down the side of the steep hill, the wispy grass that stretched for hundreds of miles, bowed under his feet. I turned to look out at the fields.
“You have not said a word to me all evening. You’ve been completely silent. And now you run out here? Care to share with me what the hell is going on?”
“You don’t understand? If I uttered a word I would not be able to conceal my intentions. Vicken is unnaturally gifted. He could read my lips from five miles away.”
Vicken was my last creation, that is, the last man I made into a vampire. At fifty, he was also the youngest vampire of my coven, though he didn’t look a day older than nineteen.
“Dare I think that this might be a moment of clarity?” Rhode asked. “That perhaps you realize Vicken and your band of ingrates are more dangerous than you anticipated?”
I said nothing. Instead, I watched the wind trace patterns over the grass.
“Do you know why I left you? My fear,” Rhode spat, “was that you had truly lost your mind. That the prospect of infinite time had started to eat away at you. You were reckless.”
I spun around, our eyes met immediately.
“I will not let you fault me for creating a coven of the strongest, most gifted vampires in existence. You told me to protect myself, and I did what I had to do.”
“You cannot see what you have done,” Rhode said. His strong jaw clenched.
“What I have done?” I stepped closer to him. “I feel the weight of this existence in my bones. As though a thousand parasites are eating away at my sanity. You told me once, that I was what kept you sane. That the curse of emotional pain released you when you were with me. What do you think happened to me for the 170 years you were gone?”
Rhode’s shoulders fell. His eyes were the most blue I had ever seen - even in 500 years. The beauty of his slim nose and dark hair always shocked me. The vampire essence heightened a person’s beauty but for Rhode it radiated from within and lit up his soul -- it made my heart burn.
“The magic that binds your coven is more dangerous than I would have ever thought possible. How did you expect me to feel?”
“You don’t feel. Remember? We’re vampires,” I replied.
He gripped my arm so hard, I was sure he would break a bone. I would have been frightened had I not loved him more than I could articulate. Rhode and I were soul mates. Linked in a love bound by passion, the lust for blood, death and the unfaltering understanding of eternity. Were we lovers? Sometimes. Certain centuries more than others. Were we best friends? Always. We were bound.
“You left me for 170 years,” I said through gritted teeth. Rhode had only returned from his “break” from me the week prior. We had been inseparable since his return. “Do you not know why I brought you down here?” I asked. “I can tell no one else the real truth.”
Rhode dropped his arm and I turned to face him directly.
“I have nothing left. No more sympathies,” I whispered though there was an edge of hysteria in my voice. I could see my reflection in Rhode’s eyes. His dilated pupils overwhelmed the blue but I stared into the blackness. My voice quivered, “Now that I know you have the ritual…Rhode, I cannot think of anything else. That my humanity - that it might be a possibility.”
“You have no idea how dangerous this ritual is.”
“I don’t care! I want to feel the sand beneath my toes. I want to wake up to the sunlight pouring through my window. I want to smell the air. Anything. Anything I can feel. God, Rhode. I need to smile¾and mean it.”
“We all want those things,” he replied in a calm manner.
“Do you? Because I don’t think you do,” I said.
“Of course. I want to wake up to blue waters and feel sunlight on my face.”
“The pain is too much,” I said.
“You could try again. Concentrate on me – loving me,” Rhode said gently.
“You, who leave.”
“That’s not fair,” Rhode said now reaching for my hands.
“Even loving you is a curse. I can’t really feel or touch you. I look at the humans we take and even they can feel. Even in their last minutes of life they have breath in their lungs and taste in their mouth.”
Rhode held my palm in his and the warmth, the feeling of his passion for me swept up though my hand and into my body. I closed my eyes, relishing the momentary relief from the countless tragedies resting within me. I opened my eyes and took a step away from him.
“I am losing my mind and I don’t know how much longer I can bear it.” I took a moment, careful in my wording. “Ever since you discovered the ritual,” I continued. “It’s all I can think about. My way out.” My eyes were wild, I was sure of it. “I need this. I need this. God help me, Rhode because if you don’t I will walk out into sunlight until it scorches me to flames.”
Rhode nearly lost his top hat with a gust of the wind. He ripped his hand out of mine. He still had long hair then and it fell past his shoulders and onto his topcoat.
“You dare to threaten me with your suicide? Don’t be petty, Lenah. No one has survived the ritual. Thousands of vampires have tried. All - every single one has died in the process. Do you think I can bear to lose you? That I could part with you?”
“You already did,” I whispered savagely.
Rhode pulled me close, so fast that I wasn’t prepared for the force of his mouth against mine. One deep growl from him and my bottom lip split open-Rhode bit into me. I could feel a rhythmic pull as he sucked the blood from my mouth. After a moment, he stepped away and wiped his bloody lip on his jacket sleeve.
“Yes, I left you. But I had to find the magic and science I needed. If we ever try this ritual -- I needed to make sure…I didn’t expect you to fall in love when I left.”
There was a silence. Rhode knew as well as I that I never believed he was coming back.
“I do not love Vicken as I love you.” I said every word so it was clear and calculated. After a moment, I added, “I want out.”
“You do not know what will come to you if you chose human life.”
“The air? Real breath? Happiness?”
“Death, sickness, human nature?”
“I don’t understand,” I said stepping back again. “You have said yourself that humanity is what all vampires crave. The freedom to feel more than constant pain and suffering. Do you not feel this way?”
“It consumes me,” Rhode said and took off his top hat. He looked out at the fields. “There are deer, there,” he pointed. He was right. About ten miles away a herd of deer grazed silently. We could have fed off them, though I did love my dress and blood would not match the green silk. Besides, I hated the taste of animal blood and would only feed on them if I were in a dire situation. With the creation of the coven, I had ensured that would never happen.
Rhode slipped his hands around my lower back and brought me even closer.
“Your beauty will be a powerful force in the human world. Your human face may betray even your best intentions.”
"I don’t care,” I said not quite understanding and not really caring either way.
Rhode reached out and ran his index finger down the thin slope of my nose. He then gently rubbed his thumb over my lips. His furrowed brow and piercing stare. I couldn’t have looked away even if I had tried.
“When I took you from your father’s orchards in the 15th century I saw your future laid out before me,” Rhode confessed. “Swashbuckling vampire linked to my side for all eternity.” There was a pause. Somewhere behind us music from the party echoed down into the fields. “I saw my own dreams.”
“Then give me what I want.”
Rhode’s mouth was a thin line. He furrowed his eyebrows and looked out at the deer. They galloped deeper into the grassy hills. I could tell from his still mouth and dark expression that he was formulating a plan.
“One hundred years,” he whispered but still looked out at the deer.
My eyes widened.
“Starting tonight you will hibernate for one hundred years.” Rhode turned back to look at me and pointed up the hill. I knew he was gesturing toward a cemetery. It was to the right of the terrace and protected by a wrought iron gate topped by spiked points.
Hibernation only occurred when a vampire rested in the ground. The vampire sleeps and deprives herself of blood – there are a series of spells so the vampire remains in a meditative state, almost to the point of death. On a prearranged day a fellow vampire revives her. But only with magic is this possible. Only very brave (and some would argue very stupid) vampires have done this.
“The night before you are supposed to wake,” Rhode continued. “I will unearth you and take you somewhere safe, somewhere you cannot be found. Somewhere you can be a human and live out your days.”
“And the coven?” I asked.
“You leave them behind.”
My heart throbbed, a familiar pain that I couldn’t help but recognize. The magical binding between the coven and myself would force them to search for me. Just as I knew I would love Rhode until the end of the earth, I knew that the coven would search for me. I nodded once but said nothing. I watched the deer nibbling at the grass and licking their fur.
“You are not afraid to die?” he asked.
I shook my head. Rhode turned to face the house. I stopped him from walking up the hill by gently grasping his fingers. He turned to me.
“Will you be there?” I asked. “If I die and we fail, will you be there?”
Rhode’s fingers lightly grazed the top of my hand. He turned it over, touched my palm and whispered,
“Always.”
*
“How did you do it?” I was spellbound. Back in the dark apartment, my back pressed into the pillows. My fingers wandered over the fine velvet. My fingertips skimmed along the softness of the couch, which produced a wave of goose bumps over my legs. Before, I would have known the couch was soft but it would only have meant the fabric. It wouldn’t have meant comfort or safety. Just soft.
“That night. The last night of Nuit Rouge. You went to bed…” Rhode started.
“After killing one of the maids,” I admitted remembering the young, blonde girl I caught off guard in the attic.
Rhode continued with a slight smile. “I told Vicken that you had decided on your hibernation. That you would sleep for 100 years and that I was to wake you on the last night of the following Nuit Rouge. I also explained that you wanted to be buried - to make it official. He thought it was a wonderful idea. He wanted a chance to rule your coven.”
“I wouldn’t have protested against that,” I said.
“Precisely why he believed me so willingly. It was a lie, Lenah. The moment you looked into my eyes on the fields and begged me for human life, I knew that my quest, my vampire life, your vampire life, what I had done to you was coming to an end.”
“I shouldn’t have begged you. Manipulated you like I did.”
Rhode laughed but the breath was short,
“That is your way.”
I looked at the bandage around his wrist and the dark rings circling Rhode’s eyes. At that moment, I felt a surge of guilt. In my human state, I couldn’t imagine bribing Rhode or threatening him with suicide. It had been so easy for me before. Easy because the emotional pain that clouded the vampire life prevented rational thought.
“Please tell me about the ritual,” I asked again.
Rhode unwrapped the white bandage, roll-by-roll until his wrist was bare. There, on the inside of his wrist were teeth marks, my teeth marks - two small indents on the inside of Rhode’s wrist. The one on the left was just higher than the one on the right, I always hated that my bite was uneven. I could have recognized my teeth marks anywhere.
“The most important thing is the intent. The success of the sacrifice and it is a sacrifice, depends solely on the vampire performing the ritual. It takes two days.”
Rhode stood up. He paced whenever he was telling me something difficult. Sometime in the 16th century I asked him why. He said it was so he wouldn’t have to look me in the eye.
“The intent is where most vampires fail,” Rhode continued. “You have to want the other vampire to live. You, in turn, have to want to die. It is the most unselfish act you’ve ever committed. As you know such selflessness is nearly impossible for the natural state of a vampire.”
“Who told you this?” I asked.
“When I left you for those years, I went to France. I searched for --”
“Suleen,” I said though I was suddenly finding it very hard to breathe. Rhode had met Suleen…in person.
“Yes. He was coming out of a fifty-year hibernation. When I described you and then told him of my plan, he comforted me with a compliment. He said that I might be the only vampire with soul enough to succeed.”
I raised my eyebrows in surprise. It must have been quite a special moment in Rhode’s life. I wished I had been there to see Rhode’s reaction when Suleen said something so significant.
I imagined Suleen. He was an East Indian man, or at least he had been some time ago - when, I have no idea. He is the oldest vampire alive. Nothing in the grand scheme of life would or could ever rattle his soul. Suleen is not hindered by death nor does he want to return to human life. All he wants is to live long enough so he may see the end of the world.
“There are a few more rules,” Rhode explained. “The vampire performing the ritual must be over 500 years old. Suleen mentioned something about the chemistry of a vampire of that age. It is a crucial ingredient. But most of all he kept saying, ‘The intent, Rhode. It’s the intent.’ The will and the desire to give up your life in order that another may live. Vampires are selfish, Lenah. Inherently so. I had to find that will within myself.”
“You sacrificed yourself?” I whispered. I was unable to look up from the floor. Rhode remained silent. He was waiting for me to look at him. I hated him for it. Finally, our eyes met.
“The ritual required that I gave you all of my blood. After two days, you woke up, more or less, and bit into me. I had to allow you to finish it—well, almost all of it. But the important thing was the intent, the chemistry of my blood and my love for you.”
“I never would have agreed to those conditions.”
Much to my surprise, Rhode’s stoic facial expression turned into a smile. A toothy, happy smile. “Precisely why I did it when you were weakened and hibernating.”
I stood up, now it was my turn to pace.
“So where is Vicken?” I asked trying to think like a vampire. Trying to place all the pieces together. I had been asleep for one hundred years.
“He remains at your house in Hathersage with the rest of the coven. I believe he is awaiting your return.”
“Have you seen him since my hibernation?”
“He is too young for me to converse with as often as he would like. His energy tires me. Yet, when I stayed with them he was respectful. He’s a fighter. Excellent swordsman. I can see why you loved him.”
My cheeks warmed, which surprised me. Then I realized, I was feeling shame. I snuck a peek at Rhode’s fingers holding the arm of the lounger. They were pruned, and wrinkled as though all the liquid inside him had been sucked away.
“I do not blame you for loving another,” Rhode said.
“You believe Vicken loves me? As I love you?”
Rhode shook his head. “Vicken loves your outward appearance and desire for thick, congealed blood. I love your soul. As a mate to my long search on this earth. You are - were - the most vicious vampire I have ever known. I love you for that.”
I couldn’t respond. I thought of Hathersage, of the fields, of Rhode in his top hat and the deer grazing in the distance.
“Vicken will search for me,” I said. “As you know, he is bound to me. And when he finds me, the coven will destroy me. I created the coven to do just that. To seek, capture, and obliterate.”
“That is the exact reason why I chose this place.”
“Yes. Where are we?” I looked about the apartment.
“This is your new school.”
“You intend for me to go to school?” My head reared in his direction.
“It is crucial you understand.” Even in his weakened state Rhode stood up and towered over me. He glared at me with such a passionate fierceness that I should have been frightened. “Vicken will dig you up from the cemetery. I promised you would return on the final night of Nuit Rouge. The party ends October 31st.”
“So on the 31st he will find an empty casket. End of story.”
“It’s not that simple. You were a vampire, Lenah. One of the oldest of your kind.”
“I know what I was.”
“Then do not pretend that you need a tutorial in the seriousness of this situation!” Rhode snapped and continued pacing very slowly. I was silent. Rhode regained some of his composure and again spoke at a low decibel. “When Vicken digs up the grave and discovers an empty casket he will search the earth for you. As you’ve said yourself, the magic that binds the coven has made it so. You made it so. He will exhaust himself, so will all of the coven until they find you and bring you home.”
“I did not foresee myself in this situation.”
“Yes, well, luckily, for now, the magic that protects you allows a few luxuries. Your vampire sight and your extra sensory perception.”
“So I did keep it, then,” I said and stood up. I looked around the room again. Yes, as Rhode said I could see all of the adornments in the room down to the knots in the wood floor and the perfection in the paint on the walls.
“The more you assimilate into this human existence these accompaniments will fade.”
How was I to process not being a vampire anymore but still retain some vampire qualities? Could I be in the sun? Did I eat food again? These thoughts rattled within my head and I stamped my foot in frustration. Rhode put his hand on my cheeks and I was startled by how cold they were. It stopped my tantrum.
“You must disappear into human life, Lenah. You must go to school and become a sixteen year old girl again.”
In that moment, I couldn’t cry no matter how badly I wanted to – I was too shocked. Vampires cannot cry. There is nothing natural in a vampire. No tears, no water¾just blood and black magic. Instead, the tears, which would spill over the cheeks of a normal person, in the vampire are utter and acidic pain that scorches the tear ducts.
I wanted to run or turn inside out, anything to curb the feeling that made my stomach burn. I balled my hands into fists and tried to fill the anxiety with a breath but it caught in my throat. My gaze fell onto a photo resting on top of a bureau. It looked tattered and old though the last time I had seen the photo, I was posing for it. 1910, the last night of Nuit Rouge. In the photo, Rhode and I stood hip-to-hip, arms around each other’s waists, on the back terrace of my home. Rhode was dressed in his black suit and top hat, me in a gown, my long brown hair tied and styled in a long braid that fell over my left breast. We were more than human. We were frighteningly beautiful.
“How can I do that?” I turned away from the photo to look at Rhode. “Hide?"
“Oh, I think you will find it easier than you expect. You have never been sixteen before. I snatched that away before you could.”
He stepped close to me again and kissed my forehead.
“Why did you do this for me?” I asked. He pulled away and the air shifted as the space opened up between us.
“Of course, you must know,” Rhode said and cocked his head to the side.
I shook my head to say that I did not nor could I ever understand what he had done for me.
“Because,” he continued, “throughout all of my histories I found no one I loved more than you. No one.”
“But I’m losing you,” I said, my voice breaking.
Rhode grasped me so my cheek pressed against his chest. I stayed there a moment and let my heartbeat echo between our bodies.
“And you think Vicken won’t be able to find me?” I asked
“I do not think in his wildest dreams he will understand what I have done. It will take the entire coven’s effort just to follow us this far and I believe I have done my best to conceal our whereabouts. Also, why would he ever suspect you could be human?”
I stepped away and looked back at the photo portrait of Rhode and me.
“When will you die?” I asked turning away from the photo and sat back down on the couch. I brought my knees to my chest and linked my arms around my shins.
“The morning.”
*
We sat together and I stared into Rhode’s eyes for as long as possible. He told me of the changes in society. Cars, television, sciences, wars that neither of us, even in our vampire minds, could understand. He said that practical things were of the utmost importance to humans. I would now be capable of getting sick. He had placed me in the finest boarding school in New England. A doctor, he informed me, was only a few buildings away. He begged that I complete school and grow up, as he had prevented me from doing.
We talked and talked and without knowing it, I fell asleep. The last thing I remember were his eyes looking into mine. I think he may have kissed my lips but that also felt like a dream.
When I awoke, the shades were drawn and the whole living area was shrouded in darkness. Across from me, red-lighted numbers illuminated the blackness. A digital clock said that the time was eight in the morning. I was on the couch and Rhode wasn’t in the red lounger across from me. I shot up. My muscles were stiff so I stumbled and held onto arm of the chair.
“Rhode?” I called out.
But I already knew.
“No…” I whispered. I spun in a circle. There were only four rooms: a bedroom, a bathroom, a living room and a kitchen. Off the living area was a porch. The curtains were closed yet the way the wind drifted inward made the curtains billow. The door was open behind them. I pushed them aside and stepped out onto the wooden patio. I put my hand over my eyes as a visor. My eyes adjusted immediately as I scanned the porch, hopeful for only a moment.
Rhode was gone. From my life. From my existence.
I saw the onyx ring lying in the center of the tile. When I approached it, I realized it was in the middle of a tiny pile of glittering dust. It looked as though sand was mixed with mica or tiny diamonds. My Rhode, my companion for close to 600 years, weakened from the transformation and self-sacrifice had evaporated in the sun. I dipped my thumb and index finger into Rhode’s remains. They were cool and gritty. I pulled out the ring and slid the smooth metal over my new, sensitive skin.
I was alone.
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