Conflict without Casualties A Field Guide for Leading with Compassionate Accountability

Make Conflict Your Partner for Positive Change!

Clinical psychologist and transformative communication expert Dr. Nate Regier believes that the biggest energy crisis facing our world is the misuse of conflict. Most organizations are terrified of conflict, seeing it as a sign of trouble. But conflict isn’t the problem, says Regier. It’s all about how we use the energy.

When people misuse conflict energy, it becomes drama: they struggle against themselves or each other to feel justified about their negative behavior. The cost to companies, teams, and relationships is staggering. The alternative, says Regier, is compassionate accountability: struggling with others through conflict. Discover the Compassion Cycle, an elegant model for balancing empathy, care, and transparency with boundaries, goals, and standards. Provocative, illuminating, and highly practical, this book helps us avoid the casualties of conflict through openness, resourcefulness, and persistence.

Nate Regier, PhD, is the CEO and cofounder of Next Element, a global training advisory firm specializing in leadership communication and building cultures of Compassionate Accountability. He is a former practicing psychologist and holds a doctorate in clinical psychology from the University of Kansas.

Contents

Acknowledgments ix

Introduction 1

PART 1 | CONFLICT WITH CASUALTIES: DRAMA IS KILLING US 7
Chapter 1 | Conflict:
The Big Bang of Communication 9

Chapter 2 | Drama:
Misusing the Energy of Conflict 13

Chapter 3 | But I’m Just Trying to Help!:
Good Intentions, Unintended Consequences 33

PART 2 | A FRAMEWORK FOR POSITIVE CONFLICT: COMPASSIONATE ACCOUNTABILITY CAN CHANGE THE WORLD 45

Chapter 4 | Compassion: Not for the Faint of Heart 47

Chapter 5 | Compassion and the Cycles of Human Civilization: Will We Get It Right This Time? 75

PART 3 | CONFLICT WITHOUT CASUALTIES USER MANUAL: PUTTING NEXT ELEMENT’S COMPASSION CYCLE TO WORK 87

Chapter 6 | Violators Will Be Prosecuted: Three Rules of the Compassion Cycle 89

Chapter 7 | Warning! Drama Approaching!: Three Leading Indicators 103

Chapter 8 | It’s All about Choices: Three Choices to Move 111

Chapter 9 | Coaching Accountability When There’s No Drama: Match and Move 129

Chapter 10 | The Formula for Compassionate Conflict: Confronting Drama with Compassionate Accountability 147

Chapter 11 | Conflict without Casualties: Preparing to Struggle with 163

Appendix A | Personal Development Guide 181

Appendix B | Preparing for Conflict: Building My ORPO Bank 191

Notes 195

Glossary of Terms and Phrases 197

Index 201

About the Author 207