Dad's Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies

An invaluable handbook to being the best father-to-be you can be during one of the most exciting times of your life

Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies walks you through the ins and outs of how to best support your partner through the logistical, physical, and emotional challenges of pregnancy. Yes, we know that you won’t be doing the lion’s share of the work over the next nine months, but you can do your part by getting a head start on learning critical information about the ins and outs of pregnancy, labor and delivery, and the first few months of baby care.

You’ll get the lowdown on topics like setting up a nursery, how to be helpful during childbirth, and the best way to change a diaper. You’ll even find advice about when to let other people in on the fact that you’re expecting.

The book also offers:

• Comprehensive info on ultrasounds, caesarean sections, infertility treatments, and other pre-birth and birth-related subjects
• Brand-new updates on using a surrogate, sperm donation, and what dads can do when they won’t be physically present during the pregnancy
• Strategies for handling prenatal depression

Full of authoritative and easy-to-follow tips and techniques to get you ready for the big day (and all the days that follow it), Dad’s Guide to Pregnancy For Dummies is your survival guide to pregnancy, childbirth, and fatherhood.

Matthew M. F. Miller is a father and uncle. He is the author of Maybe Baby: An Infertile Love Story.

Sharon Perkins is a mother and grandmother, as well as a seasoned author and registered nurse with 25+ years’ experience providing prenatal and labor and delivery care.

Introduction 1

About This Book 1

Foolish Assumptions 2

Icons Used In This Book 3

Beyond the Book 3

Where to Go from Here 3

Part 1: You’re Going to Be a Dad (Yes, You) 5

Chapter 1: Welcome to Dad Land 7

The Glorious, Frightening, Mind-Boggling World of Fatherhood 8

A father? Who, me? 8

Reacting to a life-changing event 9

Dealing with fatherhood fears 9

Debunking six common myths 10

Becoming a Modern Dad 13

Changes in your personal life 13

Changes in your professional life 14

Lifestyle changes to consider 15

Bringing baby into a turbulent world 16

Deciding to Take the Plunge (or Not) 17

Determining whether you’re ready 17

Telling your partner you’re ready 18

Telling your partner you’re not ready 18

Being patient when one of you is ready (and the other isn’t) 18

Dealing with an unexpected pregnancy 19

Welcoming long-awaited pregnancies 20

Peering into the Pregnancy Crystal Ball 20

First trimester 21

Second trimester 21

Third trimester 22

Chapter 2: Your Conception Primer 25

Sperm, Meet Egg: Baby Making 101 25

Producing a mature egg 26

Sending in some good sperm 27

Making the journey and attaching to the uterus 28

Answering FAQs about getting pregnant 30

Tracking the Journey: Using Fertility Apps and Monitors 31

Evaluating Health to Get Ready for Parenthood 32

Discovering female health issues that affect conception 33

Recognizing issues that cause fertility problems in men 35

Assessing lifestyle choices that affect eggs and sperm 36

Keeping Sex from Becoming a Chore 38

Choosing the best time for conception 39

Scheduling sex: The do’s and don’ts 40

Taking a Brief yet Important Look at Infertility 42

Knowing the facts about infertility 42

Checking on potential problems when nothing’s happening 43

Working through it when your partner needs treatment 45

Exploring solutions when your sperm don’t stack up 45

Examining new developments in infertility treatments 48

Deciding how far to go to get pregnant 49

Sharing Your Decision to Have a Baby 50

Considering the pros and cons of spilling the beans 50

Handling unsolicited advice about reproduction 51

Chapter 3: Non-Traditional Dadhood 53

Becoming a Two Dad or Dad Alone Family 54

Who’s supplying the egg? The sperm? The womb? 54

Looking at the legalities of surrogacy 56

Involving a family member in egg donation or carrying the baby 57

Finding a friend who’s willing to donate or carry 58

Working with an agency 58

Drawing up a contract 59

Deciding how involved you’ll be in the pregnancy 59

Becoming comfortable with a stranger 60

Maintaining boundaries with a friend or family member 60

Being Involved When You’re Not Able to Be Around 61

Keeping up to date when you’re out of town — or country 61

Dealing with the frustrations of long-distance pregnancy 62

Part 2: The Final Countdown: Nine Months (or Less!) to Baby 65

Chapter 4: Balancing Joy, Anxiety, and Nausea: The First Trimester 67

Baby on Board: It’s Official! 68

Reacting when your partner breaks the news 69

Making the announcement to friends and family 69

Overcoming your fears of being a father 71

Early Prenatal Care: Kicking Off a Nine-Month-Long Relationship 72

Finding a medical practitioner who works for both of you 72

Attending the first (and longest) prenatal visit 74

Going to the first ultrasound 75

Baby’s Development during the First Trimester 75

He may not look like much now, but 76

Amazing changes in weeks 7 to 12 76

Dealing with Possible Complications in the First Trimester 78

Miscarrying in early pregnancy 78

Understanding ectopic pregnancy 80

Coping with pregnancy loss 81

Reducing Early Developmental Risks 81

Smoking and development problems 82

Drinking during pregnancy 83

OTC and prescription drugs and their health risks 83

Autism spectrum risks and prevention 84

Common First Trimester Discomforts — Yours and Hers 84

Helping your partner cope with early symptoms 84

Getting used to strange new maternal habits 86

Taking on your emerging support role 88

Chapter 5: Growing into the Second Trimester 91

Tracking Baby’s Development during the Second Trimester 92

Growing and changing in months four and five 92

Refining touches in the sixth month 93

Checking Out Mom’s Development in the Second Trimester 94

Gaining weight the right way 94

Looking pregnant at last! 96

Testing in the Second Trimester 97

Preparing for the possible risks of tests and ultrasounds 98

Understanding blood tests and amniocentesis 98

Following up on the test results 100

Scrutinizing ultrasounds 100

Having Sex in the Second Trimester 103

Maintaining a healthy sex life during pregnancy 103

Addressing common myths and concerns 104

Exploring Different Options for Childbirth Classes 105

Dealing with Insurance (or a Lack Thereof) 107

Understanding your insurance 107

Having a baby without insurance 109

Chapter 6: Nesting, Registering, and Naming (Oh My!) 111

A Guy’s Guide to “Nesting” 111

Making the house spotless — and then some 112

Engaging in Instagram preparedness 113

Setting up the nursery 114

Arranging the nursery for two or more 116

Baby-proofing 101 117

Understanding the Art of the Baby Registry 118

Doing your homework ahead of time to get what you want 119

Finding out what you need — and what you think you won’t need but can’t live without! 121

Navigating the online-versus-local-registry decision 123

Discovering five things you don’t have to have but will adore 123

Checking out five things you don’t have to have and will never adore 124

Celebrating the Wee One’s Impending Arrival: Baby Shower Basics 125

Opting into — or out of — gender reveal parties 126

Throwing virtual parties 127

Naming Your Baby 127

Narrowing down your long list 128

Reconciling father/mother differences of opinion 128

Discussing choices with friends and family 129

Chapter 7: Preparing for What Could — But Probably Won’t — Go Wrong 131

Managing Pregnancy-Related Medical Issues 132

Hypertensive conditions in pregnancy 132

Gestational diabetes 133

Pregnancy in women with previously diagnosed diabetes 134

Placenta previa 135

Mandatory bed rest 136

Handling Abnormal Ultrasounds 138

Birth defects 138

Fetal demise 139

Preparing Yourself for Preterm Labor and Delivery 140

Recognizing the risks of preterm delivery 140

Handling feelings of guilt 141

Navigating the NICU 141

Knowing what to expect with a preemie 143

Clarifying common problems 144

Learning the ropes — er, wires 144

Preparing for preemie setbacks 145

Taking baby home 146

Hi, Baby Baby Baby: Having Multiples 147

Multiple identities: What multiples are and who has them 147

Health risks for mom 148

Risks for the babies 149

Keeping Cool in Monetary Emergencies 150

Checking out your insurance limits 151

Covering the cost of unexpected medical expenses 151

Chapter 8: Nearing the Finish Line: The Third Trimester 153

Tracking Baby’s Development during the Third Trimester 153

Adding pounds and maturing in the seventh and eighth months 154

Getting everything in place in the ninth month 155

Finding Out What Mom Goes Through in the Third Trimester 157

Understanding your partner’s physical changes 157

Heeding warning signs 159

Bracing for your partner’s emotional changes 160

Sympathizing with her desire to have this over, already 161

Dealing with tears, panic, and doubts even your own 162

Guaranteeing a Smooth Admissions Process 164

Picking a Pediatrician 165

Whose Baby Is This, Anyway? Dealing with Overbearing Family Members 168

Chapter 9: The Copilot’s Guide to Birthing Options 171

Choosing Where to Deliver 172

Delivering at a hospital 172

Delivering at home with a midwife 174

Delivering at a birthing center 176

Making Sure Your Birth Practitioner Is a Good Fit 176

Screening potential practitioners 177

Working with a midwife 178

Getting some additional help with a doula 179

Looking at Labor Choices 181

Going all natural or getting the epidural 181

Taking it to the water 182

Creating a Birth Plan 183

Visualizing your ideal experience 183

Drafting your plan 186

Sharing your birth plan with the world 189

Picking the Cast: Who’s Present, Who Visits, and Who Gets a Call 191

Deciding who gets to attend the birth 192

Planning ahead for visitors 192

Spreading the news 193

Part 3: Whoa, Baby! Labor, Delivery, and the First Days at Home 195

Chapter 10: Wowing the Maternity Floor: How to Be the Best Labor and Delivery Partner 197

When It’s Time, It’s Time — Is It Time? 198

Avoiding numerous dry runs (yes, it’s us again) 199

Knowing when it’s too late to head out 199

Supporting Your Partner During Labor 200

Figuring out what she needs from you 200

Not taking the insults seriously 201

Looking at What Happens During and After Labor 201

First stage 201

Second stage 203

Wrapping things up after the birth 205

Helping baby right after delivery 205

Walking Through Common Labor Procedures 206

Vaginal exams 206

IVs 207

Membrane ruptures 208

Fetal monitoring 209

Coping with Labor Pain 211

Enduring it: Going unmedicated 211

Dulling it: Sedation (no, not for you) 212

Blocking it out: Epidurals 212

Deviating from Your Birth Plan/Vision 215

Having a Cesarean 216

Scheduled C-section 216

Unplanned Cesarean delivery 218

What to expect before the operation 218

What to expect during the surgery 220

Getting past disappointment 220

Chapter 11: Caring for Your Newborn 223

Getting Your First Look at a Typical Newborn 223

Examining your newborn 223

Rating the reflexes 225

Feeding a Newborn 226

Breast-feeding basics 227

Bottle-feeding basics 230

Changing Diapers 233

Cleaning baby boys 233

Cleaning baby girls 234

Bathing Your Squirming Bundle of Joy 235

Holding Your Baby 237

Co-sleeping Pros and Cons 239

Back to Sleep: Helping Baby Sleep Safely and Comfortably 241

Coping if baby hates being on his back 241

Swaddling your little one 242

Preventing the flat-head look 243

Soothing Baby Indigestion 244

Colic 244

Gas 246

Reflux 246

Scheduling Immunizations 247

Skipping some shots? 248

Spreading them out 249

Taking a stand on the vaccination debate 249

Chapter 12: Supporting the New Mom and Surviving Yourself! 251

Handling Housework during the Recovery Phase 252

Getting the house in order 252

Taking care of meals 257

Calling in backup 259

Supporting a Breast-Feeding Mom 260

Making the decision to breast-feed 260

Offering lactation support 261

Including yourself in the process 263

Dealing with Post-Cesarean Issues 264

Helping with a normal recovery 264

Knowing when to call the doctor 265

Riding the Ups and Downs of Hormones 265

Thinking before speaking in the sensitive postpartum period 266

Shedding light on physical symptoms 267

Getting through the “baby blues” 267

Sleeping (or Doing Without) 268

Coping with Company 269

Dealing with grabby grandmas 270

Managing unsolicited advice 271

Handling hurt feelings when you want to be alone 272

Rediscovering the Physical and Romantic 272

Prioritizing love and romance 273

Waiting at least six weeks for sex 273

Understanding changes in body and libido 273

Learning to be patient and give grace 274

When to seek help 274

Part 4: Under Pressure: How to Worry the Right Way about the Big Stuff 277

Chapter 13: Dealing with Difficult Issues after Delivery 279

Coping with Baby’s Serious Health Problems 279

Congenital defects 280

Developmental delays 281

Illnesses 282

SIDS 283

Watching Out for Mom’s Postpartum Mood Disorders 284

Taking a look at postpartum depression 285

Acting fast to treat postpartum psychosis 288

Managing Grief 288

Going through the stages of grief 289

Why, why, why? Getting past the question 290

Grieving together and separately 290

Determining when grief has gone on too long 291

Talking to People about Your Child 292

Telling others 292

Handling insensitive remarks 293

Chapter 14: Survival Tips for Bumps, Boo-Boos, and More 295

Handling Inevitable Illnesses 296

Dealing with common childhood diseases 297

Staying alert for scarier diseases 302

Protecting Baby from Common Accidents — and Handling Them When They Happen Anyway 303

Taking care of baby after a fall 303

Staying safe in the car 305

Managing Medical Crises at Home 307

Don’t panic! Don’t panic! 307

Calling the doctor 307

Open Wide, Baby! Administering Medicine 308

Taking a Baby’s Temperature 310

Choosing a thermometer 310

Taking a rectal temperature 311

Recognizing fevers 313

Deciphering Diaper Contents 314

Knowing what’s normal 315

Checking out color changes 315

Teething Symptoms and Remedies 316

Reacting to Medicines and Vaccines 317

Medications that cause reactions 317

Vaccination reactions — yours and your baby’s 318

Dealing with Food Allergies 319

Introducing new foods 319

Recognizing allergic reactions 320

Preventing allergic reactions 320

Chapter 15: Fun, Freedom, and Finances: The Cost of Having a Baby 323

Creating a Family/Fun/Work Balance with Baby 324

Taking time off with paternity leave 324

Managing sick time when you’re back at work 327

Dealing with after-work expectations 328

Working from home tips to stay productive 329

Reprioritizing your commitments 331

Readjusting When — or if — Mom Goes Back to Work 332

Making going back to work easier on mom 332

Deciding to be a stay-at-home mom 334

Helping mom adjust if she doesn’t go back to work 336

Becoming a stay-at-home dad 338

Exploring the Expected (And Unexpected) Costs of Baby 339

Deciding what baby really needs 340

Bracing yourself for the costs of must-have baby supplies 341

Comparing childcare options and costs 343

Managing Your Money 345

Prioritizing your needs 346

Determining where to cut costs 347

Chapter 16: Ensuring a Bright Future for Your New Family 349

Planning for a Financially Sound Future 350

Prioritize your expenses 350

Create (and stick to) a budget 351

Pay down your debt 352

Create an emergency fund 354

Buy disability insurance 354

Contribute to a retirement account 355

Work with a financial advisor 355

Mind your credit score 355

Saving Money for Your Child’s Future 356

Getting the Lowdown on Life Insurance 357

Obtaining adequate life insurance for mom and dad 358

Considering a policy for your baby 358

Whole-life coverage versus term 358

How much coverage is enough? 359

Health Insurance Options for Newborns 360

Adding baby to an existing work-paid plan 360

Buying coverage just for baby 361

Obtaining free and low-cost care for uninsured kids 361

Taking Care of Legal Matters 362

Creating a will 362

Establishing power of attorney 366

Growing together as a couple 367

Learning how to be parents on the same team 368

Investing in your mental well-being 368

Part 5: The Part of Tens 371

Chapter 17: Ten Must-Do’s to Compensate for Not Having to Give Birth 373

Say Nice Things 373

Start a Baby Book 374

Make Exercise Fun 374

Listen Don’t Try to Fix It 375

Attend Prenatal Appointments 375

Book a Mini-Vacation (Babymoon) 376

Register for a Prenatal Class 376

Get Smart about Baby 377

Master Prenatal Massage 377

Keep the House Neat and Tidy 378

Chapter 18: Ten Ways to Bond as a New Family 379

Don’t Be Afraid Be Awesome 379

Trust Your Instincts 380

Spend Time Skin-to-Skin, Eye-to-Eye 380

Check Frustrations 381

Embrace Your Goofy Side 382

Steal Away for a Date Early On 382

Teach Baby New Tricks 383

Roughhouse the Safe Way 384

Read Daily 384

Say Goodbye to Mommy 385

Index 387

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