The Girl, the Penguin, the Home-Schooling and the Gin A Parody

'It's alright,' said the Penguin, in exactly the sort of way that Penguins don't. 'This is the only book you'll ever need to find complete happiness.' Because it's been a bit of a trying time, hasn't it? You now know that your five-year old is better at maths than you. And English. And at not crying during work. And the only way to get through it with a smile has been to buy all the booze and try to remember how to do 'going out'. But don't worry, here to paper over all the cracks is a touching book, full of tender animal friends, pretty pictures and not too many words. A book for our times - to remind us of the precious joys of having all the family together, non-stop, twenty four hours a day. Owning it will make you happy. Giving it to other people will make you seem kind. Reading it will remind you that you're nearly out of gin.

A proud descendant of thieves and vagabonds, W . R. FOSTER - an occasionally published and rarely sober Melbourne native - has been draw ing pictures since writing actual words became too much of a bother. He lives somewhere in the Northern Territory, the precise location a mystery, especially to him. He has wandered the earth with only his crayons for company ever since. Biographies As a ghost w riter, GUY ADAMS has kicked heroin, robbed a casino, worked as aprison doctor. When feeling more himself, he is the author of The Clown Servicenovels, the Heavens Gate trilogy and writes comics for various publishers including 2000AD. He lives in Eastbourne with fellow author and live-in genius AK Benedict and their daughters (one hairy and canine, the other human).