Happy Endings The Tales of a Meaty-Breasted Zilch

Jim Norton is a pervertin the truest sense of the word. The physical equivalent of a tall slug, he pays top dollar for massages with happy endings and is fascinated by shitty sitcoms and fat girls. He is also, at times, racially offensive and morally repugnant. He spares no one in his comedy -- least of all himself.Now, in this outrageous, blisteringly funny collection of essays, Norton tackles the topics that are near and dear to his heart: from public events like the legendary Voyeur Bus incident on theOpie and Anthony Show,which culminated in all involved being taken to jail, or seeking a hug from his childhood idol Gene Simmons, to deeply private moments, including a teenage Jim's embarrassing poetry-writing attempts while in rehab, and his inexpensive sexual experience with an unwashed MILF (a Monolith I'd Like to Forget). His stories are raw, searingly honest in their attention to detail, and most of all, hilarious.Filled with personal photos and nearly fifty candid and uncompromising essays,Happy Endingsis one of a kind...and probably best read on an empty stomach.

Jim Norton is stand-up comedian who is best known for his extremely raunchy brand of humor. He was a regular on both seasons of Comedy Central's Tough Crowd with Colin Quinn, played the caustic Rich on HBO's Lucky Louie, and has starred in his own HBO comedy specials. He has also cohosted the AVN awards twice, and performed his stand-up all over the country. He is the author of two books and lives in New York City.

FOREWORD BY COLIN QUINN FOREWORD BY COLIN QUINN: PART TWO A TRULY PROFESSIONAL INTRODUCTION HERE GOES NOTHING RUMPLESTILTSKIN THE MASSAGE MORBID OBESITY LAS VEGAS SITCOMS A ROAD STORY I'M A POET AND DIDN'T KNOW IT PINK EYE COINS THE BIG COLLECTION BOO! 1987 LETTER I WROTE TO A GIRL I WAS DATING JOE PESKY ANOTHER SILLY SITCOM IDEA PUMPKIN, A LOVE STORY SLEEPY HEAD 36 HAPPY HUMP DAY! THE BOB LEVY BENEFIT THE GREATEST MOMENT OF MY LIFE MILF LEGAL EAGLES THE HOLLAND TUNNEL THE DUMP WHISPERER CURRENTLY IN BRAZIL I'D LOVE TO LIVE IN RIO TOUGH CROWD COUCH POTATER THE VOYEUR BUS AN ENCHANTING EVENING 1986 NOTE I GOT FROM AN EX-GIRLFRIEND "GLENGARRY GLEN ROSS" AND THE SEARCH FOR HAWKEYE THE JACUZZI BLUES DIRK A DISASTER MOVIE! PART 1 HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DEAR FLORENTINE YOU GELLIN'? KONG MONSTER RAIN LITTLE MISS BIG NIPS AN UNEVENTFUL, SHITTY NIGHT IN BOSTON THE TWO-FOOT RULE YUCK MOUTH MEAN GENE THE HUGGING MACHINE ROACHES FOR THE BEST MAN ACKNOWLEDGMENTS