Healing in the Relational Paradigm: The Imago

Already practiced by thousands of therapists around the world, Imago Relationship Therapy (IRT) has aroused the interest of a widening international psychotherapy community. Now, for the first time, Healing in the Relational Paradigm: The Imago Relationship Therapy Casebook brings you directly into the therapistis office to see firsthand how the tenets of IRT can translate into powerful and enduring skills for couple clients. Providing access to Imago work with a broad range of couple types, the book reveals ways in which activities, such as Couples Dialogue and the Container Exercise, help couples expand and strengthen their relational vocabulary.

The first chapter, which proposes a new way of conceptualizing child development and its impact on the forming and maintaining of intimate relationships, lays the foundation for the chapters to follow. Subsequent topics -- each handled by a front lines Imago therapist -- reflect a true picture of the spectrum of issues and identities that are present in therapy. The contents cover attachment, exploratory, identity

CONTRIBUTORS

xi

(4)

PREFACE

xv

(4)

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

xix

CHAPTER 1 THE RELATIONAL PARADIGM

1

(18)

Wade Luquet

Shifts in the Mental Health Paradigms

2

(2)

Finding Self in Connection

4

(1)

We Develop Within Connection

5

(6)

A Lid for Every Pot

11

(2)

The Paradigm Choice

13

(1)

Imago Relationship Therapy

13

(2)

A Paradigm of Relationality

15

(1)

Relational Mysticism

16

(2)

Bibliography

18

(1)

CHAPTER 2 COUPLES WOUNDED AT THE ATTACHMENT PHASE

19

(18)

Jill M. Fein

The Dilemma

19

(2)

Imago Relationship Therapy and Attachment

21

(5)

The Couple's Dynamics: Attachment in Therapy

26

(7)

Bibliography

33

(1)

Editors' Commentary

34

(3)

CHAPTER 3 THE EXPLORATORY-WOUNDED COUPLE

37

(18)

Wade Luquet

Betsy Chadwick

She's a Borderline; He's a Narcissist

38

(2)

Exploratory-Stage Wounds

40

(3)

A Myth So Valid: The Borderline-Narcissistic Relationship

43

(3)

Bill and Alice on the Less-Traveled Road

46

(4)

Two Steps Forward; One Step Back

50

(2)

Bill and Alice Revisited

52

(1)

Bibliography

52

(1)

Editors' Commentary

53

(2)

CHAPTER 4 THE RIGID/DIFFUSE COUPLE

55

(22)

Gary Brainerd

Wade Luquet

Parenting That Wounds: Two Types of Wounding

56

(2)

Identifying the Identity-Wounded Couple

58

(2)

Determining Identity Wounds

60

(2)

Wounds of Shame and Control--Minimizer Type

62

(3)

Don Sweats Over Change

65

(2)

Wounds of Invisibility and Invasion--Maximizer Type

67

(2)

The Power Struggle

69

(1)

Don and Bonnie's Big Move

69

(2)

The Rigid/Diffuse Couple's Healing Process

71

(2)

Don and Bonnie: The Buried Treasure

73

(1)

Editors' Commentary

74

(3)

CHAPTER 5 THERAPIST, HEAL THYSELF: A PASSIVE/COMPETITIVE COUPLE

77

(22)

Mo Therese Hannah

Sam and Jessica's Early History

78

(3)

Enter the Power Struggle

81

(4)

The Passive/Competitive Dance

85

(4)

The First Dialogue

89

(3)

A Glimpse Ahead: Session Eight

92

(1)

Sam and Jessica: An Imago Formulation

93

(2)

Sam and Jessica: An Epilogue

95

(1)

Bibliography

96

(1)

Editors' Commentary

96

(3)

CHAPTER 6 IS IMAGO THERAPY CULTURALLY RELEVANT? CASE STUDIES WITH AFRICAN-AMERICAN COUPLES

99

(14)

Helen Weiser

Cora Thompson

The Historical Journey

99

(1)

The Spiritual Journey

100

(1)

The Psychological Journey

101

(1)

African/European-American Healing: Where Do We Go from Here?

101

(9)

Bibliography

110

(2)

Editors' Commentary

112

(1)

CHAPTER 7 IMAGO THERAPY WITH HISPANIC COUPLES

113

(12)

Homer Bain

The Weaving of Five Prominent Themes

113

(2)

Marcos and Sylvia

115

(4)

Diana and George

119

(4)

Editors' Commentary

123

(2)

CHAPTER 8 LIVING IN THE "NOT KNOWING"

125

(10)

Maya Kollman

Working with Sexual-Preference Issues

130

(1)

Summary

131

(1)

Bibliography

131

(1)

Editors' Commentary

132

(3)

CHAPTER 9 MULTIPLE MIRRORING WITH LESBIAN AND GAY COUPLES: FROM PEORIA TO P-TOWN

135

(16)

Sharon Kleinberg

Patricia Zorn

Roberta and Colleen

135

(1)

Non-Reflection or Distorted Reflections and Lesbian and Gay Couples

136

(6)

Therapeutic Implications

142

(1)

The Workshop: An Experience of Multiple Mirroring

143

(3)

After the Workshop: Return to a World of Distorted Reflections

146

(1)

Conclusion

147

(1)

Bibliography

148

(1)

Editors' Commentary

149

(2)

CHAPTER 10 WHEN A PARTNER HAS AIDS: THERAPY WITH GAY/LESBIAN COUPLES

151

(14)

Patrick Vachon

Jeff and Andrew

153

(9)

Editors' Commentary

162

(3)

CHAPTER 11 GOING BEYOND AIDS: THERAPY WITH HETEROSEXUAL COUPLES

165

(18)

Donna M. Ritz

Isabelle and Walt

165

(3)

An Imago-Systems Approach

168

(8)

Walt and Isabelle: Saying Good-bye

176

(3)

Bibliography

179

(1)

Editors' Commentary

180

(3)

CHAPTER 12 THE IMPACT OF ADULT ATTENTION-DEFICIT DISORDER ON COUPLES

183

(30)

Kathleen Kelly

Marianne Luquet

The Couples Dialogue

184

(1)

What Is ADD?

185

(2)

Challenges Faced by the Non-ADD Partner

187

(1)

The Modified Couples Dialogue

188

(4)

Case Vignettes

192

(10)

Other Special Concerns

202

(4)

Conclusion

206

(1)

Bibliography

207

(2)

Organizations

209

(1)

Editors' Commentary

209

(4)

CHAPTER 13 ADDICTION, COUPLES, AND RECOVERY

213

(16)

Bruce A. Wood

John and Carol

213

(2)

Marcia and Tony: Active Addiction

215

(3)

Dialogue and 12-Step Meetings: A Link

218

(1)

Doreen and Michael: Early Recovery

219

(2)

Hal and Eileen: Long-Term Recovery

221

(5)

Conclusion

226

(1)

Bibliography

226

(1)

Editors' Commentary

227

(2)

CHAPTER 14 IMAGO THERAPY WITH SEXUALLY DYSFUNCTIONAL COUPLES

229

(12)

Bonnie Bernell

Joyce and Tom

229

(6)

Clinical Considerations in Working with Couples with Sexual Dysfunction

235

(3)

Bibliography

238

(1)

Editors' Commentary

239

(2)

CHAPTER 15 VALIDATION AS A FACILITATOR OF FORGIVENESS FOR ADULTERY

241

(20)

Bonnie Eaker Weil

Lisa Kelvin Tuttle

The Power of Validation

243

(1)

Obsessing, Dart Throwing, and Working Through the Rage

243

(1)

Case Vignettes

244

(11)

Commentary

255

(1)

Exercises

256

(3)

Bibliography

259

(1)

Editors' Commentary

259

(2)

CHAPTER 16 IMAGO RELATIONSHIP THERAPY AS A SPIRITUAL PATH

261

(12)

Dale Bailey

Mark and Andrea

262

(5)

Comments

267

(1)

Conclusion

268

(3)

Bibliography

271

(1)

Editors' Commentary

271

(2)

APPENDIX: KEY WORDS

273

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Healing in the Relational Paradigm: The Imago Relationship Therapy Casebook

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