Here Speeching American A Very Strange Guide to English as It Is Garbled Around the World

THE STRANGEST (AND FUNNIEST) TRAVEL GUIDE YOU'LL EVER READ The celebrated authors of the perennial bestseller The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said set the typical travel guide squarely on its headtaking you from the airport to the hotel, from sightseeing to dining outby using 100 percent real examples of fractured English as spoken and posted abroad: Feel like shopping? We have no good things to sell. shop sign, Lovina Beach, Bali Feeling sick? Are you haunted by the horribles? Do you run after your own nose? Japanese medical form Wondering what to wear? A sports jacket may be worn to dinner, but no trousers. in a French hotel brochure Wondering where to eat? Grill and Roast your clients! Open for lunch, dinner and Sunday Brunch. slogan of the Hibiscus restaurant in the Jakarta Hilton International But don't take our word for it, come see for yourself. And if that's too much to ask, remember the sage advice from the staff of a Taipei hotel: "If there is anything we can do to assist and help you, please do not contact us."

Kathryn Petras collected The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said and put them all in a book. Her other works, coauthored with her brother Ross, include Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats and It All Seems Impossible Until It's Done. She lives in New York City.

Ross Petras, along with his sister, Kathryn Petras, collected The 776 Stupidest Things Ever Said. His other works, also coauthored with his sister, include Don't Forget to Sing in the Lifeboats and It All Seems Impossible Until It's Done. He lives in New York City.