Keeping the Love You Find
, by Hendrix, Harville
- ISBN: 9780671734206 | 0671734202
- Cover: Paperback
- Copyright: 2/1/1993
Your dreams of finding a loving and truly compatible partner spring from the healthiest and most fully human aspects of your nature--and the fulfillment of your dreams is completely achievable. Whatever your history, whatever your heartbreak, as a single person you are in an ideal position to learn what you need to know and what you can do to greatly improve your chances for finding, and keeping, love. Book jacket.
Harville Hendrix, Ph.D., a clinical pastoral counselor and co-creator of Imago Relationship Therapy, has more than thirty-five years' experience as an educator, public lecturer, and couples' therapist.
| Special Acknowledgment to Laura Torbet | p. xi |
| Acknowledgments | p. xiii |
| Introduction | p. xv |
| A Personal Note ... How the Book Works | p. xv |
| Being Human, Being Single | |
| What's Wrong with Being Single? | p. 3 |
| Singledom: A Neglected Rite of Passage | |
| Redefining Singleness | |
| A Better Way | |
| It's Never Too Late to Be Single | |
| Forever Single | |
| We've Gotta Have It | |
| The Problem with Singles | |
| Finding a Love to Keep | |
| Your Mission: Be Prepared | |
| Forget the Mating Game! | |
| What's Really Going on in Your Relationships? | p. 18 |
| What's Really Going On in Relationships? | |
| Enter the Unconscious | |
| The Imago: Our Ghost Partner | |
| The Price of Ignorance | |
| Doing It Differently | |
| Exercise: Self-Knowledge Inventory | |
| Learning from Past Relationships | |
| Exercise: Imago Preview | |
| Exercise: Relationship Frustrations | |
| Exercise: Your Unconscious Relationship | |
| The Human Journey | p. 35 |
| The Cosmic Journey: Yearning for Connection | |
| Clues to Our Connectedness | |
| We Want It Back | |
| The Evolutionary Journey: Yearning for Aliveness | |
| New Mind, Old Brain | |
| The Basic Drives: Safety First | |
| Expressing Full Aliveness | |
| In Quest of Full Aliveness | |
| We Can't Do It Alone | |
| Commitment to Wholeness | |
| The Imago Puzzle I: Childhood Nurturing | |
| Growing Pains: Uncovering the Wounds of Childhood | p. 51 |
| The Lifelong Pursuit of Wholeness | |
| Becoming a Detective | |
| Different Strokes: Nature vs. Nurture | |
| The Stages of Development: Finding the Weak Link | |
| The Adult Child: Why Is It Important to Know Where We Got Stuck? | |
| Attachment and Exploration: Getting Securely Connected | p. 63 |
| Attachment: The Struggle to Exist | |
| Adapting to Deficit Nurturing: Coping Mechanisms | |
| The Clinging Child: Fear of Abandonment | |
| The Adult: A Clinger | |
| The Detached Child: Fear of Rejection | |
| The Adult: An Avoider | |
| Interlude: The Minimizer and the Maximizer | |
| Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Attachment Stage? | |
| Exploration: Love Affair with the World | |
| The Distancing Child: Fear of Absorption | |
| The Adult: An Isolator | |
| The Ambivalent Child: Fear of Loss | |
| The Adult: A Pursuer | |
| Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Exploration Stage? | |
| Identity and Competence: Becoming a Self | p. 84 |
| Identity: "This Is Me" | |
| The Rigid Child: Fear of Being Shamed | |
| The Adult: A Rigid Controller | |
| The Invisible Child: Fear of Being a Self | |
| The Adult: A Compliant Diffuser | |
| Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Identity Stage? | |
| Competence: "I Can Do It" | |
| The Competitive Child: Fear of Failure/Disapproval | |
| The Adult: A Compulsive Competitor | |
| The Helpless/Manipulative Child: Fear of Aggressiveness/Success | |
| The Adult: A Manipulative Compromiser | |
| Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Stage of Competence? | |
| Concern and Intimacy: Moving Out Into the World | p. 100 |
| Concern: "I Belong" | |
| The Lonely Child: Fear of Others/Ostracism | |
| The Adult: A Loner | |
| The Gregarious Child: Fear of Neediness/Being Alone | |
| The Adult: A Sacrificing Caretaker | |
| Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Stage of Concern? | |
| Intimacy: "I Can Be Close and Loving" | |
| The Rebellious Child: Fear of Being Controlled | |
| The Adult: A Rebel | |
| The Model Child: Fear of Being Different | |
| The Adult: A Conformist | |
| Exercise: Was I Wounded at the Intimacy Stage? | |
| Exercise: Am I a Minimizer or a Maximizer? | |
| Exercise: Identifying the Wounded Child in the Adult | |
| Traumatized Relationships: Legacy of the Dysfunctional Family | p. 115 |
| A Matter of Degree | |
| It's All Trauma | |
| Shell-Shocked Children | |
| Why Are Only Some Children Affected? | |
| Unexperienced Experience | |
| All Loss Is Abusive | |
| Emotional Abuse | |
| Who's to Blame? | |
| Is the Child at Fault? | |
| Are You from a Dysfunctional Family? | |
| How Can I Break the Pattern? | |
| The Imago Puzzle II: Childhood Socialization | |
| "For Your Own Good": the Messages of Socialization | p. 137 |
| Society's Child | |
| The Price of Socialization | |
| Shutting Down the Energetic Core | |
| Getting the Message | |
| The Model Marriage | |
| Bullied by Our Beliefs | |
| The Crybaby and the Bitch | |
| Thinking | |
| Feeling | |
| Acting | |
| Sensing | |
| Local Custom | |
| The Whole Self: Missing in Action | |
| Exercise: Your Parents' Marriage | |
| Exercise: What Do I Believe? | |
| Recovering the Missing Self: Love's Agenda | p. 157 |
| The Hidden Self | |
| The Lost Self | |
| The Denied Self | |
| The False Self: Filling in the Gaps | |
| Is Anybody Home? | |
| Mutilated, but Alive | |
| Falling in Love: What's Lost Is Found | |
| Awakening the Sleeping Beast | |
| Owning the Missing Self | |
| Facing the Truth | |
| Putting Ourselves Back Together | |
| The Big Picture | |
| Exercise: Your Hidden Self | |
| Exercise: Your Lost Self | |
| Exercise: Your Denied Self | |
| Gender and Sexuality: Making Love, not War | p. 175 |
| "All You Do is Complain" | |
| Rumbling in the Psyche: The Emerging Feminine | |
| Vive la Difference | |
| Physical Differences | |
| Developmental Differences | |
| Hormones and the Brain | |
| Is Culture the Culprit? | |
| Playing Our Roles, Losing Our Selves | |
| Owning Your Contrasexual Self: Swimming against the Tide | |
| Your Partner Is Not You! | |
| Dialogue Is All We Can Have | |
| Developing the "Other" in You | |
| Sharing the Caring | |
| Moving Toward Androgyny | |
| Sexuality: Me Tarzan, You Jane | |
| The Sex-Love Trade-off | |
| Reclaiming Sexual Pleasure | |
| Exercise: Your Gender Energy Balance | |
| Exercise: Your Sexual Self | |
| The Journey of Partnership | |
| The Imago: Recipe for Romance | p. 211 |
| The Imago: Distillation of Childhood Experience | |
| How Does the Imago Work in Partner Choice? | |
| The Illusion of Love | |
| The Language of Love | |
| The Benefits of Illusion | |
| Love: Nature's Anesthesia | |
| There Is No Love in Romance | |
| Why Is It Important to Understand, and to Modify, the Imago? | |
| Unmasking the Imago | |
| Exercise: Unmasking the Imago | |
| Exercise: Childhood Frustrations | |
| Exercise: Your Unconscious Childhood Agenda | |
| Partnership: the Journey to Consciousness | p. 227 |
| The Unconscious Relationship | |
| When Romance Dies: The Trajectory of the Unconscious Relationship | |
| This Too Shall Pass | |
| David and Sarah | |
| The Denouement of the Power Struggle | |
| Breaking the Impasse: The End of Bargaining | |
| Becoming Conscious: A Turning Point on the Journey | |
| Owning Our Projections | |
| Commitment to Healing | |
| The Conscious Marriage | |
| Characteristics of a Conscious Relationship | |
| Becoming a Conscious Single | |
| From Insight to Integration: Basic Strategies for Change | p. 251 |
| Start Now | |
| What's the Rush? | |
| Waking Up Is Hard to Do | |
| Surrendering to Change | |
| Self-Hatred: The Stumbling Block | |
| Creating an Environment for Change | |
| The Benefits of Group Therapy | |
| Utilitarian Dating | |
| When You Fall in Love | |
| "My, How You've Changed!" | |
| New Skills, New Behavior: Steps to Self-Integration | p. 266 |
| Exercise: My Wholeness Agenda | |
| Exercise: Creating a Safe Haven | |
| Recovering Your Aliveness | |
| Exercise: Your Aliveness Quotient | |
| Exercise: Sources of Aliveness | |
| Exercise: Enlivening Activities | |
| Exercise: My Enlivenment Agenda | |
| Exercise: Owning and Changing Negative Behaviors | |
| Exercise: The Art of Intentional Dialogue | |
| Exercise: Holding Projections | |
| Exercise: Behavior Change Requests | |
| Real Love: Paradise Regained | p. 292 |
| Safety First | |
| No Strings Attached | |
| Good Intentions | |
| Nature's Grand Design | |
| Notes | p. 305 |
| Bibliography | p. 317 |
| Index | p. 321 |
| About the Author | p. 327 |
| The Institute for Relationship Training | p. 328 |
| Table of Contents provided by Syndetics. All Rights Reserved. |
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