The Lies We Believe

This newly repackaged edition examines the lies people tell themselves that damage emotional health, relationships, and spiritual life. Psychologist Dr. Chris Thurman guides the reader through part one that identifies the different areas of self-lies, religious lies, marital lies, distortion lies, and worldly lies. Part Two delves into the issues of what is truth, and Part Three deals with how to live the truth, ultimately revealing the freedom that can only come from one thing-believing and telling themselves the truth. An extremely easy-to-follow guide filled with comprehensive workbook exercises, this edition is a way to help people experience the emotional health, intimate relationships, and spiritual fulfillment they are seeking.Previous editions: 0-8407-3192-2 and 07852-7343-3

Dr. Chris Thurman is a psychologist, bestselling author, and popular seminar speaker. He and his wife, Holly, have three children and live in Austin, Texas

Acknowledgments

v

Prologue

vii

Part 1: The Lies We Believe

1

(100)

The Truth About the Lies We Believe

3

(9)

Self-Lies

12

(16)

``I Must Be Perfect''

``I Must Have Everyone's Love and Approval''

``It Is Easier to Avoid Problems Than to Face Them''

``I Can't Be Happy Unless Things Go My Way''

``My Unhappiness Is Somebody Else's Fault.''

Worldly Lies

28

(19)

``You Can Have It All''

``My Worth Is Determined by My Performance''

``Life Should Be Easy''

``Life Should Be Fair''

``You Shouldn't Have to Wait for What You Want''

``People Are Basically Good.''

Marital Lies

47

(14)

``All My Marital Problems Are My Spouse's Fault''

``If Our Marriage Takes Hard Work, We Must Not Be Right for Each Other''

``My Spouse Can and Should Meet All of My Emotional Needs''

``My Spouse Owes Me (for All I Do)''

``I Shouldn't Have to Change Who I Am to Make Our Marriage Better''

``My Spouse Should Be Like Me.''

Distortion Lies

61

(16)

``Magnification: Making a Mountain Out of a Molehill''

``Personalization: Taking Everything Personally''

``Polarization: Making Everything Black or White''

``Selective Abstraction: Missing the Forest for the Trees''

``Overgeneralization: History Always Repeats Itself''

``Emotional Reasoning: Feelings Equal Facts''

Religious Lies

77

(24)

``God's Love Must Be Earned''

``God Hates the Sin and the Sinner''

``Because I'm a Christian, God Will Protect Me from Pain and Suffering''

``All My Problems Are Caused by My Sins''

``It Is My Christian Duty to Meet All the Needs of Others''

``A Good Christian Doesn't Feel Angry, Anxious, or Depressed''

``God Can't Use Me Unless I'm Spiritually Strong.''

Part 2: Telling Ourselves the Truth

101

(128)

The Truth About the Truth

103

(13)

To Err Is Human

116

(9)

You Can't Please Everyone

125

(7)

There Is No Gain without Pain

132

(9)

You Don't ``Have to'' Do Anything

141

(8)

The Virtue Lies in the Struggle, Not the Prize

149

(9)

Life Is Difficult

158

(9)

You Reap What You Sow

167

(9)

You Are Not Entitled to Anything

176

(9)

Emotional Pain Is Good

185

(9)

You Are Going to Die

194

(9)

Is There an Ultimate Source of Truth?

203

(8)

The Truth About God and the Truth About You

211

(18)

Part 3: Living the Truth

229

(52)

Doing the Truth

231

(50)

The Battle for Our Minds The Truth Workout---Week One

Identifying the Lies You Tell Yourself Week Two

Knowing Your A-B-C's Week Three

Challenging Your Lies with the Truth Week Four

Dealing with Past Events Week Five

Overcoming Perfectionism Week Six

Defeating the Need for Approval Week Seven

Facing Problems Week Eight

Discovering Your Identity and Worth Week Nine

Rejecting Your ``Have To's'' Week Ten

Facing Your Own Death Week Eleven

Being Needy, Meeting Needs Week Twelve

Developing the Mind of Christ

Epilogue

281

(4)

Appendix A: Secular and Biblical Teachings on the Importance of ``Right'' Thinking for Emotional and Spiritual Health

285

(2)

Appendix B: Secular and Biblical Truths for Defeating the Lies We Believe

287

(7)

Appendix C: Biblical Support for the Ten Truths Necessary for Emotional and Spiritual Health

294

(9)

Appendix D: Biblical Teachings on Truth

303

(4)

Appendix E: Recommended Readings

307

(1)

Notes

308

(3)

About the Author

311

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Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials