Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50

From the bestselling authors ofParenting the Strong-Willed Child, expert strategies and action steps for divorcing parentsWhile there are many trade books on children and divorce, most tend to be filled with extensive discussions of the psychological impact on children, with little effective advice. You want immediate answers and quick access to expert strategies you can use to help your kids today and in the future.Making Divorce Easier on Your Childarms you with 50 effective strategies and action steps for helping your kids cope with divorce, packaged in a convenient, quick-bite format. It is based on the authors' years of clinical experience dealing with the children of divorce, as well as their extensive research into the causes and cures of divorce-related emotional problems."Informative and sensible, offering realistic, clear-cut recommendations."Robert Brooks, Ph.D., Faculty, Harvard Medical School, and coauthor ofRaising Resilient Children

Nicholas Long, Ph.D., is a pediatrics professor and the director of pediatric psychology at the University of Arkansas Medical School and Arkansas Children's Hospital. He is also the director of the Center for Effective Parenting, which conducts seminars and workshops for parents and professionals. He is a noted public speaker and researcher, is frequently quoted in national parenting publications, and has appeared on many local television and radio programs.

Rex Forehand, Ph.D., is Regents professor of clinical psychology and the director of the Institute for Behavioral Research at the University of Georgia. He is one of the most frequently cited authors in psychology and has been identified by his peers as one of the leading child psychologists in the United States. He presents workshops around the United States, as well as in countries such as Canada, New Zealand, and Australia.

Preface

xvii

Introduction

1

(14)

Part 1 Planning the Divorce and Telling Your Child

Understand the Divorce Laws and Process in Your Community

15

(5)

Work Out the Immediate Issues

20

(3)

Tell Your Child Together When the Decision to Divorce is Made

23

(5)

Anticipate Questions Your Child May Have

28

(4)

Avoid Custody Disputes: Consider Mediation

32

(5)

Part 2 Looking After Your Own Well-Being During and Following Divorce

Expect an Adjustment Period

37

(4)

Examine Your Coping Style

41

(3)

Develop a Support System for Yourself

44

(4)

Manage the Stress in Your Life

48

(7)

Part 3 Issues Between you and Your Ex-Spouse During and Following Divorce

Communicate Effectively with Your Ex-Spouse

55

(4)

Do Not Argue with Your Ex-Spouse in Front of Your Child

59

(5)

Do Not Use Your Child as a Messenger or Spy

64

(3)

Do Not Use Your Child as an Ally

67

(3)

Do Not Place Restrictions on What Your Child Can Tell Your Ex-Spouse

70

(2)

Do Not Criticize Your Ex-Spouse in Your Child's Presence

72

(3)

Redefine Your Relationship with Your Ex-Spouse

75

(8)

Part 4 Visitation Issues

Encourage Involvement of the Noncustodial Parent

83

(3)

Ensure Frequent and Predictable Contact Between Your Child and the Noncustodial Parent

86

(5)

Make Visitation Transitions Smooth

91

(4)

Effectively Handle Birthdays, Holidays, and Special Occasions

95

(6)

Part 5 Divorced Parenting: General Guidelines

Change the Way You Think About Your Child

101

(3)

Expect Your Child to Play One Parent Against the Other

104

(3)

Maintain Regular Child Support Payments

107

(3)

Minimize Changes

110

(5)

Maintain Family Traditions and Rituals

115

(3)

Develop a Parenting Plan

118

(5)

Nurture Your Relationship with Your Child

123

(4)

Have Fun with Your Child

127

(3)

Communicate ``I Love You'' to Your Child

130

(3)

Encourage Your Child to Express Feelings

133

(3)

Be Consistent with Discipline

136

(4)

Monitor Your Child's Activities

140

(3)

Monitor School Performance

143

(4)

Build Your Child's Self-Esteem

147

(3)

Develop Greater Patience and Regain Your Lost Patience

150

(3)

Never Blame Your Child for the Divorce

153

(2)

Do Not Make Promises You Might Not Keep

155

(2)

Do Not Overcompensate for Your Divorce

157

(2)

Do Not Burden Your Child with Your Personal and Financial Concerns

159

(3)

Set a Good Example of How to Handle the Divorce

162

(2)

Deal with Your Child's Unrealistic Expectations Directly

164

(3)

Do Not Compare Your Child to Your Ex-Spouse in a Negative Way

167

(2)

Accept Your Child's Love for His Other Parent

169

(4)

Part 6 The Importance of Other Relationships

Honor Sibling Relationships

173

(2)

Encourage Your Child's Relationships with Extended Family Members

175

(5)

Help Your Child Cope if the Noncustodial Parent Becomes Uninvolved

180

(3)

Think About When and How to Introduce Individuals You Date

183

(3)

Effectively Handle New Family Combinations

186

(5)

Part 7 Seeking Professional Help

Seek Professional Help for Your Child if Needed

191

(8)

Part 8 Moving Toward the Future

Think Positive

199

(2)

Bibliography

201

(8)

Resources

209

(14)

Index

223

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Making Divorce Easier on Your Child: 50 Effective Ways to Help Children Adjust

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials