Recovery A Guide for Adult Children of

Rich with insight and awareness,Recoveryexplores the secrets, fears, hopes and issues that confront adult children of alcoholics. Authors and widely respected therapists and ACOA workshop leaders Herbert Gravitz and Julie Bowden detail in a clear question-and-answer format the challenges of control and inadequacy that ACOAs face as they struggle for recovery and understanding, stage-by-stage: Survival* Emergent Awareness* Core Issues* Transformations* Integration* Genesis.If you feel troubled by your post,Recoverywill start you on the path of self-awareness, as it explores the searching questions adult children of alcoholics seek to hove answered:* How con I overcome my need for control?* Do all ACOAs ploy the some kind of roles in the family?* How do I overcome my fear of intimacy?* What is all-or-none functioning?* How can ACOAs maintain self-confidence and awareness after recovery?* How do ACOAs handle the family after understanding its influence?* And many other important questions about your post, family and feelings.Written with warmth, joy and real understanding,Recoverywill inspire you to meet the challenges of the post and overcome the obstacles to your happiness.

Herbert L. Gravitz, Ph.D., is a Clinical Psychologist in Santa Barbara, California. He is a founding Board Member of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA), and currently serves on the Advisory Board. He was Executive Editor of "The Network," a publication of NACOA and authored the Children of Alcoholics Handbook.

Julie D. Bowden, M.S., is a Marriage, Family, and Child Psychotherapist in private practice in Santa Barbara, California. She developed the first Alcohol/Drug Awareness Program for the University of California system and has consulted on both inpatient and outpatient recovery programs. She is a founding Board Member of the National Association for Children of Alcoholics (NACOA), and its first treasurer. She currently serves on the Advisory Board. She is the adult child of an alcoholic.

Together, they conduct recovery retreats, individual and group psychotherapy, and educational seminars for adult children of alcoholics as well as other adult children of trauma and the professionals who serve them. They began the University of California's first therapy group specifically for adult children of alcoholics. They have authored numerous articles and are coauthors of an upcoming book, Genesis: The Spiritual Dimension of Recovery for Children of Alcoholics and Other Children of Trauma.

Table of Contents

Foreword
Preface
Chapter 1 Introduction

Chapter 2 Roots

1. What is an adult child of an alcoholic?
2. What is an alcoholic?
3. Why is alcoholism called a family disease?
4. What is a home like when there is an active alcoholic in the family?
5. What is a "normal" home like?
6. Does it make a difference how old I was when my parents or parent became alcoholics or if they left home when I was a child?
7. What if both parents are alcoholic?
8. How does all this apply to me if my parents were addicted to drugs other than alcohol?
9. Do all adult children of alcoholics feel the same?
10. Why do I feel so strange, confused and scared?
11. When did all this begin?
12. Where does this leave the children of alcoholics?

Chapter 3 Survival

13. Why are adult children of alcoholics called "survivors"?
14. I feel like I was never a kid. What happened to my childhood?
15. What happens when children are raised in a home where it is forbidden to talk openly about what is happening in the family?
16. What are the rules that implicitly or explicitly guide an alcoholic family?
17. What impact does this family atmosphere and these rules have upon the children?
18. How do children adjust to this very repressive environment?
19. I have played every one of these roles. Can a person play more than one role?
20. I am very successful and seem to have a good life; yet, I feel empty and unhappy. What is wrong with me?
21. What needs to happen in the survival stage so that adult children of alcoholics can begin their recovery from the effects of parental alcoholism?

Chapter 4 Emergent Awareness

22. What is emergent awareness?
23. What happens as a result of an intervention?
24. What feelings follow coming out?
25. What are some of the pitfalls at this stage?
26. What is the best way to take care of myself at this stage?
27. What resources are needed?
28. How much can I count on other people to be helpful?
29. How do I deal with my parents at this stage (whether they are dead or alive, near or far)?
30. Is it necessary to deal with the past and dredge up all that pain?
31. I don't remember much from my childhood. Is that common?
32. Why is it important to acknowledge the alcoholism in my family?

Chapter 5 Core Issues

33. What happens to children of alcoholics as they grow up?
34. In what ways do childhood roles and rules later work against adult children of alcoholics?
35. What are the main problems of adult children of alcoholics?
36. What are the most common personal issues with which adult children of alcoholics struggle?
37. What other personal issues might result?
38. In what situations are these issues most noticeable?
39. Why do I dread holidays?
40. What is the best way to take care of myself while I am confronting core issues?
41. What are the pitfalls at this stage?
42. How do I deal with my parents in this stage?
43. These issues seem to apply to a lot of people. Are they really unique to adult children of alcoholics?
44. What about the culturally different or the ethnic minority adult child of an alcoholic?
45. How will I ever be able to get rid of all these problems?

Chapter 6 Transformations

46. What is a transformation and how does the transformations stage fit into the recovery process?
47. How can I begin to work through what happened to me?
48. Why are issues of control and all-or-none functioning so central to adult children of alcoholics?
49. How can I begin to come to terms with my all-or-none functioning?
50. How do I begin to come to terms with the control issue?
51. I do not fully trust anybody. I believe others are somehow going to hurt me. What does this mean? Is something wrong with me?
52. How can I begin to work through my trust issues with others?
53. How do I begin to deal with my fear of intimacy?
54. Dealing with feelings is still scary for me. What are some guidelines in dealing with them, especially with the new feelings?
55. Friends and family are telling me I am getting self-centered. Am I focusing too much on myself and my past?
56. What about this notion of self-esteem?
57. How important is it for my own recovery to confront my parents at this stage?
58. How do I know that I am working things through or that transformations are really occurring?

Chapter 7 Integration

59. What is integration?
60. Why is integration so important for adult children of alcoholics?
61. I have been reading this book and feel frustrated and confused because I do not seem to be feeling better. Is there something wrong with me?
62. How can I maintain my progress and growth without creating a crisis and without sabotaging myself?
63. What are the pitfalls in this stage?
64. What are some of the most important processes in the integration stage?
65. How can I continue the process of taking better care of myself?
66. What resources are needed?
67. How can I avoid being "selfish"?
68. What kind of relationships can I expect to have with others?
69. What are my rights as an adult child of an alcoholic?
70. Is there a cure?
71. Where do I go from here?

Chapter 8 Genesis

72. What is genesis?
73. What can I do to cultivate genesis-like experiences?
74. Does genesis embrace religion?
75. Must I go through the stage of genesis? I feel like I am just getting comfortable with everything I have been learning
76. If I experience genesis, will I finally get to be perfect?
77. What other pitfalls might occur in genesis?
78. How do I deal with my parents in this stage?
79. What now?

A Final Note From The Authors

Appendices A. Recommended Reading
B. Where To Get More Help

References

Index

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Recovery A Guide for Adult Children of Alcoholics

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials