A Time To Mourn, A Time To Comfort

Describes the Jewish approach to death and dying, funerals, and mourning customs, including specifics for funeral preparations and preparing the home and family to sit shiva, with information for mourners and comforters alike. Reissue.

Foreword by Rabbi David J. Wolpe

ix

Introduction

x

Acknowledgments for the Second Edition

xvii

Acknowledgments for the First Edition

xviii

How to Read This Book

xx

Biographies of the Voices in This Book

xxi

The Art of Jewish Mourning and Comforting

xxvii

PART 1: FACING DEATH

1

(16)

The Process of Dying

5

(3)

Visiting the Dying

8

(3)

Talking with the Dying

11

(3)

Caregiving

14

(3)

PART 2: A DEATH IN THE FAMILY

17

(34)

Medical Issues and Jewish Law

22

(2)

Advance Directives for Health Care

24

(1)

The Vidui Confessional

25

(4)

What Happens When a Person Dies?

29

(2)

Special Cases

31

(2)

Neonatal Death

33

(7)

Miscarriage

40

(3)

The Death of a Child

43

(3)

AIDS-Related Deaths

46

(5)

PART 3: THE ART OF JEWISH MOURNING

51

(14)

Grief-Work and the Experience of Jewish Mourning

54

(8)

The Phases of Jewish Bereavement

62

(3)

PART 4: FROM THE DEATH TO THE FUNERAL

65

(52)

For Mourners

70

(36)

"What Do I Do Now?"

70

(2)

Making Funeral Arrangements

72

(21)

Helping Grieving Children

93

(10)

Preparing for Shiva

103

(3)

For Comforters

106

(11)

When a Friend Experiences a Death-The Art of Jewish Comforting

106

(1)

What Can You Do?

107

(2)

Close Friends

109

(5)

Friends

114

(3)

PART 5: THE FUNERAL

117

(38)

For Mourners

119

(30)

The Service

122

(6)

How to Write and Deliver a Eulogy

128

(2)

The Kaddish

130

(1)

The Mourner's Kaddish

131

(6)

Questions about the Funeral

137

(7)

Sephardic Burial Customs

144

(2)

Special Cases

146

(3)

For Comforters

149

(6)

How to Attend a Funeral

151

(4)

PART 6: SHIVA

155

(74)

For Mourners

157

(38)

Shiva

160

(1)

How Long Is Shiva?

161

(4)

The Observance of Shiva

165

(7)

The Open House-or-Who's the Host? Who's the Guest?

172

(2)

Seudat Ha-havra'ah-The Meal of Condolence

174

(5)

Prayer Services during Shiva

179

(6)

Questions about Shiva Services

185

(2)

Sephardic Customs during Shiva

187

(1)

Children during Shiva

188

(2)

Dealing with the Aftermath

190

(1)

"Getting Up" from Shiva

191

(2)

"Sitting Shiva" out of Town

193

(2)

For Comforters

195

(26)

How to Make a Shiva Call

197

(4)

"What Do I Say?"

201

(4)

"Don't Take My Grief Away"

205

(4)

Hearing with a Heart

209

(3)

What You Can Say

212

(6)

Sharing Memories

218

(3)

Additional Reflections for Mourners

221

(8)

How to Talk to Comforters

222

(2)

Family Time

224

(2)

Planning for the Future

226

(3)

PART 7: "WHAT CAN' I WRITE?"

229

(10)

For Comforters

231

(6)

How to Write a Condolence Letter

232

(5)

For Mourners

237

(2)

How to Respond to Comforters' Letters

237

(2)

PART 8: SHLOSHIM TO YIZKOR

239

(46)

For Mourners

241

(35)

Shloshim

244

(1)

Questions about Shloshim

245

(2)

Saying Kaddish

247

(4)

Gravestones and Unveilings

251

(3)

Visiting the Grave

254

(3)

Memorial Tablets

257

(1)

Yahrtzeit

258

(5)

Yizkor

263

(4)

Naming Children

267

(1)

Excessive Grief

268

(1)

Exhumation

269

(1)

Remembering the Deceased

270

(2)

Starting Over

272

(2)

Being Single Again

274

(2)

For Comforters

276

(9)

Remembering the Living

276

(4)

The Community and the Bereaved

280

(5)

PART 9: HOW TO PREPARE FOR YOUR OWN DEATH

285

(30)

Before Funeral Arrangements

287

(4)

An Ethical Will

291

(5)

A Living Will

296

(14)

Estate Instructions

310

(3)

Distribution of Personal Items

313

(2)

PART 10: AFTERLIFE

315

(9)

What Happens after We Die?

320

(4)

Epilogue

324

(3)

APPENDICES

327

Estate Instructions

329

(3)

Estate Planning Checklist

332

(1)

Glossary

333

(2)

Selected Bibliography

335

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A Time To Mourn, A Time To Comfort

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