Your Divorce Advisor A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce

, by Mercer, Diana; Pruett, Marsha Kline

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ISBN: 9780684870687 | 0684870681
Cover: Paperback
Copyright: 2/13/2001

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Summary

Author Biography

Supplemental Materials

Diana Mercer,J.D., is a divorce mediator in Santa Monica, California, and a partner in the law firm of Noyes & Mercer, P.C., which specializes exclusively in family relations law.

Foreword

(19)

Introduction

(4)

The Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce: A View From the Summit

(8)

Beginning at the End

(1)

Overview of the Legal Process of Divorce

(3)

Emotional Guideposts for Divorce

(4)

Planning for Success: Your Success Depends on the Path You Choose

(27)

The First Steps

(5)

How Do I Start the Legal Process?

(1)

How Could This Be Happening to Our Family?

(1)

Why Are My Feelings So Complicated?

(3)

What Will My Family and Friends Think About Me?

(1)

The Next Steps

(20)

What Should I Do Before Leaving?

(18)

What If I Can't Mobilize Myself to Do This Planning?

(2)

Personal Assessment

(2)

Making the Initial Decisions: Charting Your Own Course

(20)

What Are My Legal Options for Ending a Relationship?

(3)

What Are My Options for Divorce Representation?

(3)

How Do I Find, Choose, and Use a Mediator?

(2)

How Do I Find, Choose, and Use a Lawyer?

(6)

Emotional Ramifications of Early Legal Decisions

(5)

How Do I Handle the Conflicts That Arise Between Us as We Prepare to Divorce?

(4)

Personal Assessment

(1)

Steps to Success: Taking One Hill at a Time

(53)

Filing for Divorce

(3)

Does It Make a Difference Who Files First?

(1)

Preparing Your Spouse to Receive Divorce Papers

(1)

Arranging for Service of the Papers

(2)

The Mandatory Waiting Period

(3)

Staying in or Leaving the House

(3)

What Are the Legal Issues We Must Settle During the Waiting Period and Prior to Divorce?

(1)

Alimony

(5)

Property Division

(5)

Personal Property in All Jurisdictions

(1)

Assets

(15)

How Do We Use Our Assets for Mutual Benefit?

102

(3)

What Should We Do About Our House?

105

(9)

Tax Considerations

114

(2)

Fault

116

(3)

Will Fault Issues in the Divorce Impact Asset and Property Division Even in ``No-Fault'' Divorce?

116

(1)

If Fault Rarely Affects Asset and Property Distribution in Court, What Role Does Fault Play in the Divorce?

117

(1)

What Will Be Happening Between My Spouse and Me This Time?

118

(1)

Negotiating with Your Spouse: Skills and Tips

119

(10)

How Do I Manage My Anxiety During This Time?

122

(2)

What If I Have Sex with My Spouse?

124

(1)

What If I Want to Date Someone New?

124

(3)

What Do I Do If I Want to Have a Calmer, Friendlier but My Lawyer Has Advised Me to Be Tougher?

127

(2)

Personal Assessment

129

(2)

Evidence and Pretrial Procedures: You Can Never Be Too Prepared

131

(23)

Putting the Evidence Together

132

(1)

Discovery: Releases, Interrogatories, Depositions, and Subpoenas

132

(5)

Hidden Income

137

(5)

Personal and Fault Issues

142

(3)

What Are the Standard Pretrial Procedures?

145

(1)

Court-Sponsored Settlement Conferences

145

(1)

How to Use Pretrial Process

146

(4)

When and Why Should I Go to Trial?

148

(2)

Effecting a Settlement

150

(2)

Personal Assessment

152

(2)

Trials: Taking the Long, Hard Route

154

(23)

Court Intervention

154

(21)

What Is the Procedure in a Trial?

155

(1)

What Counts as Evidence?

156

(4)

What Documents Are Needed by the Court?

160

(1)

How Can I Do Much of the Work Myself and Save the Lawyer's Fees?

161

(1)

What Kinds of Witnesses Should I Consider?

162

(4)

What Kinds of Discovery Can Be Used at Trial as Evidence?

166

(1)

How Do I Prepare for the Financial Part of the Trial?

167

(1)

If I Did Something Along the Way That May Hurt My Case, Should I Lie About It?

168

(1)

What if My Spouse Is Lying?

169

(1)

What Am I Likely to Be Feeling During the Trial?

170

(5)

Personal Assessment

175

(2)

Taking Care of Myself and my Children: How not to Get Lost

177

(18)

The Decision to Separate

177

(16)

How Do We Tell the Children?

177

(4)

How Will My Children Feel and React?

181

(5)

How Can I Best Help My Children During This Early Stage of Divorce?

186

(7)

Will My Children Be Okay in a Divorced Family?

193

(1)

Personal Assessment

193

(2)

Legal and Residential Arrangements: Finding Familiar Paths for Your Family

195

(40)

What Are Our Legal Options for Raising Our Children After Divorce?

195

(4)

Shared Parenting (Co-parenting) Versus Custody

199

(5)

What Are the Benefits and Drawbacks of Shared Parenting?

200

(1)

Do Children Fare Better in Shared Parenting Schedules Than in More Traditional Custody Situations?

201

(3)

Developing a Schedule for Living Arrangements

204

(11)

What Are the Most Common Living Arrangements and Schedules Adopted by Divorcing Parents?

205

(3)

Are There Alternatives to the Typical Shared Parenting Plans?

208

(1)

What Are Recommended Schedules for Children of Different Ages?

209

(6)

Common Misconceptions in Thinking About Shared Parenting

215

(11)

What Are the Necessary Elements of a Parenting Plan?

217

(1)

What If We Can't Agree?

218

(3)

What Do I Do If My Child Doesn't Want to Visit?

221

(3)

Can I Relocate?

224

(2)

Where Child Support Fits In

226

(4)

What Are Child Support Guidelines?

226

(4)

Child Support Versus Custody as a Financial Decision

230

(2)

Where Child Support Is Spent

232

(1)

Personal Assessment

233

(2)

Contested Custody Cases: Hazardous Territory and Loose Footing

235

(24)

When to Consider a Custody Battle

235

(2)

Telling Your Children About Why You Are Involved in a Court Battle

237

(1)

The Special Features of a Contested Custody Case

237

(2)

Evaluations of the Child and Family

239

(9)

How Is an Evaluator Chosen?

241

(1)

What Happens in an Evaluation?

242

(1)

What Are the Criteria Considered in an Evaluation?

243

(5)

How Can I Maximize My Chances of Attaining a Successful Outcome?

248

(2)

How Does the Court Use Evaluation Recommendations?

250

(1)

In the Event of a Trial

250

(8)

How Do I Help My Children at This Stage?

254

(1)

What Do I Do If I Think My Spouse Has Turned the Children Against Me?

255

(3)

Personal Assessment

258

(1)

Domestic Violence and Other Forms of Abuse: When the Route is Really Dangerous

259

(22)

Definitions of Violence

259

(1)

Patterns of Abusive Relationships

260

(1)

Setting Clear Boundaries for Yourself and Your Children

261

(1)

When You Children Are Involved and Affected

262

(2)

What If My Child Has Witnessed the Violence?

263

(1)

Assessing and Acting When You Are at Risk

264

(4)

How Do I Recognize Whether I Am at Risk for My Partner's Abuse or Escalating Violence?

264

(1)

What Do I Do First?

265

(1)

What Constitutes an Abusive Relationship as Far as the Court Is Concerned?

266

(2)

Types of Protection Afforded by Law: Restraining Orders and Orders of Protection

268

(3)

How Should I Prepare to Successfully Obtain a Temporary Restraining Order?

269

(1)

How Do I Enforce the Orders with My Spouse?

270

(1)

Both Men and Women Can Qualify for a Restraining Order

271

(1)

What the Order Can and Cannot Do for You

272

(1)

Children's Involvement in the Legal Process

273

(5)

What If My Child Is the One Being Abused?

274

(1)

Should Any Child Involved in a Violent Family Be Forbidden to See the Offending Parent?

275

(2)

What If My Children Don't See It My Way?

277

(1)

Emotional Blackmail of Children

278

(1)

Abduction

278

(2)

Personal Assessment

280

(1)

Life After Divorce: When the Horizon Beckons Anew

281

(20)

Follow-Up Tasks

281

(1)

To-Do List

282

(1)

Obtain a Certified Copy of Your Final Judgment

283

(1)

Credit Issues

283

(1)

Health Insurance

283

(1)

Social Security

284

(1)

Record Keeping

284

(1)

What Kinds of Changes May Need to Be Made in the Future?

285

(1)

If You Do Not Have Children

285

(1)

If You Have Children

286

(2)

Enforcement of Orders

288

(1)

Embarking on Your New Life

289

(10)

How Can I Re-create the Healthiest Life for Myself and My Children?

289

(1)

How Do I Handle Disciplining My Children?

289

(2)

What About My Own Dating and Sex Life?

291

(3)

How Do I Establish New Family Traditions?

294

(4)

Will I Ever Be Free of the Court's Reach?

298

(1)

Personal Assessment

299

(2)

Conclusions: At the Summit

301

(2)

Appendix

303

(30)

Resources

333

(12)

References

345

(4)

Index

349

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Your Divorce Advisor A Lawyer and a Psychologist Guide You Through the Legal and Emotional Landscape of Divorce

Summary

Author Biography

Table of Contents

Supplemental Materials