When You Care The Unexpected Magic of Caring for Others

In this “brilliantly argued and timely book” (Brigid Schulte, New York Times bestselling author), journalist Elissa Strauss explores the powerful role caring for others plays in our individual and communal lives, weaving together research about care and stories from parents and caregivers with a feminist bent.

Behind our current caregiving crisis, in which a broken system has left parents and caregivers exhausted, sits a fierce addiction to independence. But what would happen if we started to appreciate dependency, and the deep meaning of one person caring for another? If we start to care about care?

Drawing on research into parenting and caregiving, as well as her own experiences as a mother, journalist Elissa Strauss delves into the history and power of care in our lives and communities. With a curiosity and desire to more fully understand one of humanity’s most profound and essential relationships, she interrogates our societal obsession with going it alone, and poses a challenge to let ourselves be transformed by the act of caregiving.

When You Care weaves historical anecdotes and science with conversations with parents and caregivers to the young, old, disabled, ill, and more, revealing a rich array of insights about how care shapes us on the inside and the outside, for the better. Care is a long-ignored force in our collective and political lives, as well as a deeply philosophical, spiritual, and psychologically potent experience. Moreso, an embrace of care by both women and men will lead to a more gender equitable future and help us reimagine what it means to be productive and live a meaningful life. The result is an eye-opening exploration into the power of being depended on—and a stirring call to action to finally acknowledge the breadth, depth, and beauty of all that caregivers do.

Elissa Strauss has been a journalist, essayist, and opinion writer for the past fifteen years. Her work has appeared in The New York Times, The Atlantic, Glamour, Elle, Allure, The American Prospect, and elsewhere. She’s been a contributing writer for CNN where she covered the culture and politics of parenthood, as well as at Slate, where she wrote on feminism and motherhood. From 2011–2017, she was the coartistic director of LABA: A Laboratory for Jewish Culture in New York City, and in 2020, she launched a hub in the Bay Area, where she is currently the artistic director. She lives in Oakland, California, with her family.